


Map My Veins

by offwiththeirheads



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Canon Lesbian Relationship, College, Drinking, F/F, Genderswap, Girl Direction, Lesbians, Sex, Shopaholics, Smut, assumed one night stand, infatuation to love, mechanic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-05
Updated: 2015-08-18
Packaged: 2018-03-21 08:54:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 26,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3686058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/offwiththeirheads/pseuds/offwiththeirheads
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I don’t have all day missy.” the girl smacks the gum obnoxiously before shaking her head and moving away to continue her task.</p><p> </p><p>Is it a coincidence when you finally notice the place you've been riding past for months? </p><p>When she first laid eyes on the porcelain beauty, all she could hear was a faint buzz and all she could feel was an attraction so great, the cogs in her mind whirred rapidly in flustered palpitation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. New Horizons

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Star55](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Star55/gifts).



> I want to say a massive Happy Birthday to Star!!!! I hope you have a good one darling and hopefully you enjoy this fic I've only managed to finish halfway.  
> I severely enjoyed writing this and cannot wait to finish it :)
> 
> Also thank you so much to my lovely Beta [Karen](http://comelouve.tumblr.com/) for editing this baby for me.

It’s not a complete coincidence that she’s parked her scooter across an auto repair shop at arse o’clock in the morning with her phone out. She’s trying to contact Eleanor, the little shit who’s always late no matter how many times she’s reminded not to be late.

Harry composes one last text, making sure to exaggerate her fury before sending it and tucking the device back in the pocket of her sundress. Her feet are clad in flat suede boots that she scuffs against the gravel as she waits. They make a sound like that of sandpaper rubbing against a brick wall, similar to the uneven tile in her bedroom which constantly reminds her of her warm bed and the fact that she could have enjoyed sleeping in if it wasn’t for the early day out with the girls that Eleanor had planned. To put it lightly none of the others have texted her either which means she’s either early or late and the others are at the store awaiting them. She thinks _whatever_ , El asked her to pick her up here so that’s what she’s going to do.

It’s not really windy but the breeze cools her sweaty neck and blows the hair she’s put up in a ponytail, strands of unruly curls hanging by the sides of her cherubic face. The buzz of the vehicles passing by is like an itch she can’t scratch and she has half a mind to stick her earphones in and blast her playlist when she notices a figure approaching the car that’s just entered the repair shop.

 _Oh fuck_! She can actually feel her heart thudding against her ribcage. It’s a girl; a petite female wearing ripped jeans and white top with a plaid shirt on top, the ends tied in a knot and a bandana wrapped around the crown of her head.

Harry wants to go ask what her name is or something of the sort because she simply wants to make conversation with this girl that’s got her breathless for no apparent reason. There must be a reason right? It’s all Mother Nature’s work isn’t it?

Still she’s quite apprehensive about it though, so Harry just sits there by the road, watching the girl talk to the man who’s making hand gestures about the car _hopefully_.

The brunette pulls out a wooden board sort of thing that’s got wheels on it and lies down on it on her back before pushing off with her feet and under the car.

Harry’s phone beeps with a text from El in that moment. A simple _shut up! I’ll be down in a jiffy._

“Yeah right.” She huffs.

El’s apartment is right next to the repair shop, maybe a few yards away, she’s on the top floor and when Harry looks up, El is wildly waving her arms. Laughing, Harry pulls out her tongue at El despite knowing she won’t see it and gets back to watching the girl who’s now stuck a hand out from the side to pick up a tool.

She’s fascinated by how the girl effortlessly picks her way around the tools, how dainty she’s on her feet as if she was hovering an inch above ground.

It’s one thing to approach a stranger on account of sudden infatuation but it’s another thing to create a situation in order to approach said stranger.

 

She scans the area, before elusively unscrewing the valve cap on the rim of her back tyre. She couldn’t help but think what Zayn would have said if she was here.

_You are literally just going to such extreme cases for rapt attention?_

_Quit quoting books._

_Yeah yeah you’ll be quoting books in no time, yourself._

_Just because everything’s perfect for you._

She completely lets out at least half the volume of the air in the tyre, all for the sake of meeting the petite girl. _Nice going Harry._

Harry waits until the girl is wholly through with fixing whatever is wrong with the customer’s car and watches the customer leave before making her way towards the workshop.

When she enters it, the girl isn’t around. The light from outside illuminates the concrete floor. There’s tools everywhere and huge, weird machines. The musty, iron smell with a mixture of oil and petrol wafts around her and she wrinkles her nose in distaste.

There’s a door adjacent to a rack filled with tools Harry’s completely unfamiliar with. She approaches it and tentatively knocks against the pale, chipped blue door, the dull sound fills the room. She waits, skittish and kind of feeling stupid. It’s not even a minute later, the girl appears.

Harry gulps.

She’s smacking on gum loudly, her lips wet and her jaw line prominently moving with each chew. With one hand she’s pulling a jack along and the other is occupied with a big coin she keeps rolling over the knuckles of her fingers. Harry’s eyes flit down to the tan skin showing through the slits in her jeans before she looks up at the girl who’s eyeing her with a quirked brow.

“How may I help you?” Her voice sounds raucous and honeyed, sort of like really slick honey on crackers.

“I...umm...the….” _why am I stuttering?_ Harry thinks. She’s fiddling with her fingers that are clasped in front of her and flicking her eyes away from the girl’s gaze. What is wrong with her?

_“I don’t have all day missy.” the girl smacks the gum obnoxiously before shaking her head and moving away to continue her task._

Harry swallows thickly but her eyes keep getting distracted by the silver of the coin that’s smoothly slipping through the gaps and over the tan fingers over and over again. It’s kind of infuriating.

“I’ve got a flat tyre.” Harry spouts out, eyes still transfixed on the piece of silver.

 

“Well,” the girl drones out, pulling out a red toolbox, “Bring it in then.”

“Okay.” Harry replies not moving until the girl cocks her head to one side. “Right. okay, yeah...sure.”

“Not very eloquent for an aristocrat.” Harry hears her mumble as she’s on her way out. And now Harry’s thinking, she clearly dislikes the girl if not for her flawless beauty. Beauty is not for snide people.

Harry comes back with her scooter in tow, huffing in anger when she sees the girl eyeing her. She parks the vehicle, kicking the side stand to the floor and places her hands on her hips. She watches the girl’s lips tighten and approach the pink scooter, streamlined in black. “Just the back wheel then?”

“Yes.” Harry nods, watching the girl push up her sleeves, crouching and uncap the tyre tube cap before connecting the tyre pump and pumping the air into the tyre. Her eyes follow the flexing of the girl’s forearm to her slender fingers that grip the pump handle in a tight hold.

“So I’m Harry.” She visibly swallows, “What’s your name?”

The girl is silent for a moment as she keeps pumping. “Louis.” Her tone is flat and dead, completely void of emotion. Okay then. Fucking prideful brat.

“You’ve been working here for long?”

“What’s it to you?” She questions in suspicion.

“Nothing.” Harry shrugs, “I was just trying to make conversation.”

“Well I’m not the conversation type.”

Well then, this was not going to go anywhere and Harry didn’t want to spend another moment in this person’s presence.

Once Louis’ done inflating the tyre, the screws in the valve caps and uses a piece of rag to clean her hands. Harry immediately focuses on the screen of her phone which she had taken out as a distraction.

Louis’ still crouched, balancing her figure on her toes as she tests the durability of the tyre then stands up and faces Harry. “I’ll give you the receipt.”

Harry follows her with a solemn face, trying to maintain a bored stance but Louis’ attitude is really bugging her.

“There you are!”

With a jerk, Harry jumps around to find Eleanor standing at the entryway with her hands placed on her hips, a smirk plastered across her face.

Louis looks from Eleanor to Harry then shrugs and proceeds to write a receipt.

 

“What are you doing here?” Harry hisses when she approaches her friend.

“What are YOU doing here is the question.” El quirks a brow which causes Harry to give a stubborn huff.

“You know why.”

“Oh I know why.” El snorts and fixes her headband, “So do I look good.”

Harry rakes her from head to toe then settles for a, “You look like you walked out of a sewer.”

“Hey!” Eleanor slaps the laughing girl when they both notice Louis watching them with a grated look, her teeth set each time she chews her gum.

She clears her throat and thrusts the receipt at them, “Your receipt.”

Harry wonders if there’s a phone number in the receipt. _Would it be acceptable to phone a mechanic? Does she ask for a phone number?_

El nudges her and Louis’ eyes follow the movement before looking upto them. Harry gives an innocent smile and reaches for the receipt, checking the price and handing over the accurate amount of cash.

She gives a polite _thank you_ and pushes her scooter out of the workshop, throwing a backward glance at the retreating figure of Louis’ back. She sighs under her breath and turns to face El only to find her giving her a skeptical look.

“So you literally deflated your tyre just to meet that girl?”

Harry twitches her lips and flips her hair, “I don’t like her anyway.”

“Well that’s a first.” Eleanor says with an air of shock, “She looked pretty hot to me.”

“You’re straight, stop curving.”

“Sometimes rulers break, sticks break and plants curve.” El points out, “Straight is not always fun.”

“Yeah right.” Harry mocks, flicking the scooter into life. It sputters with a start and rumbles as the engine runs. “You’re not hitting on her.”

“I thought you said you didn’t like her.”

Harry keeps still as El flings her leg onto the other side of the seat and adjusts herself on the seat, buckling her helmet in and wrapping her arms around Harry’s waist.

“She’s not nice. Called me an aristocrat.” Harry pouts.

“I couldn’t agree more.” Harry hears El snicker in her ear over the sound of the wind, “What with the way you dress.”

They keep quiet through the rest of the journey, whizzing past roads and other vehicles, taking unclogged paths to avoid traffic lights. Harry loves the feel of the breeze around her, the way it whips her air and brushes her face. It makes her feel free and she never wants to stop riding. El never complains though after the first two times, knows Harry doesn’t want to stop until their destination, a reason she avoids traffic lights.

Harry’s dress is flying in the breeze and El keeps patting it down with a muttered curse but Harry doesn’t seem to care either way. It’s not like she looks indecent, it’s just a bit of a breeze.

When they’re at an almost empty road, the sudden familiar urge is crawling up her body and even before she can take the course to action, El’s pinching her side.

“Don’t you dare H.”

Harry pouts and huffs, “There’s no cars, I just wanna raise my arms.”

“And get us killed?”

“We’re safe.”

“You’re riding a bloody bike and I’m present. I don’t wanna die.”

“Fine.” Harry grumbles and leans forward, cutting through the path and entering a busy road.

-

They park at Westfield Stratford City and make their way to Balans where Liam, Niall and Sophia are waiting for them. Niall’s already munching on a burger while the couple is sharing a milkshake.

“I’m very disappointed.” Harry says as soon as she takes her seat beside El.

Niall replies with a quirked eyebrow and Harry’s eyes flit to her attire. She’s sporting a rocker jacket over a pale grey t-shirt.

“Whatcha looking at?” Harry’s peering under the table, taking note of Niall’s black skinny jeans and rocker boots.

“Did someone die?” Harry asks once she stops looking.

“Fuck you H.”

“No seriously, why all the black and grey and that’s a pretty blasting outfit you’ve put together.” she compliments, flicking through a menu.

“You mean compared to your sundress?”

“It’s not just a sundress Niall.” Harry glares while the others are watching the two with amused regard, “It’s a blue navy floral sundress.”

“So what’s that got to do with anything?” Niall asks completely unaware of the distress Harry is facing concerning her outfit.

“It’s floral.”

“So what?”

El whacks the table to get all their attention, her face wearing a tired expression but everyone knows she’s just faking it. She gives a sniff and tacks on, “What are we getting to eat? I’m hungry.”

“Burgers!” Four voices chorus and it sounds like a gong’s been banged.

El gives Niall a disapproving glare and stands up to head towards the counter to order their meal. She’ll be there for awhile. Harry watches her lean on the counter, her elbow acting as a pivot for her hand to support her chin. Harry’s pretty sure she’s got heart eyes and she wants to tease her but the distance is much of hard work for a lazy arse like her so she settles for tucking a leg under her thigh and gazing at the _not so lovers_. Her fingers are twirling the receipt she still hasn’t put away and the chatter in the cafe mingles with the noise of the espresso machines.

"What's that?" Liam inquires, pointedly staring at the piece of paper in Harry's hand.

"Nothing, just a piece of paper."

Niall's eyes light up, more like a enthusiasm at being able to have some fun, "It can't be nothing."

"It is nothing though." Harry's cautious, it's bloody hard to throw Niall off the track, always has been, always will be. She's dealt with this she devil for years and she has no idea why she loves her so much.

Sophia laughs and lays her head on Liam's shoulder in the crook of her neck. They're disgusting, genuinely so in love. Why can't Harry have something like this in her life?

"Lemme see." Niall lunges across the table to grab the paper but luckily for Harry, she's quick enough to swerve it.

"Come on." Niall whines but Harry shakes her head with a smirk.

"Nuh uh."

"I'll give you my chips. I promise."

"You do realize that food doesn't lead you to my heart don't you?"

"Hazzy please?"

"Nope."

"Is that a phone number then?" Niall then asks in failed attempt, "Your next booty call?"

With each Harry gives a shake of her head and Niall continues to ask.

"Did you find the love of your life then?"

"Are you pregnant?"

"What the fuck is it then?"

"A receipt."

Everyone turns their heads at the new input and Eleanor's grinning like she's just hit the jackpot. "You won't believe what Haz did today."

"What'd she do?" they're all pretty eager to hear the story, leaning on the table to have better access to hear and Harry huffs in exasperation.

"You guys turning on me now?"

A hand pats her shoulder and she doesn't need to look to know it's El, pretending to comfort her when the four of them are getting a kick out of Harry's escapades. It makes for good conversation. She's become the bait.

"I'm dumping all of you." She groans.

"And then run away with Lou Lou?"

"Who's Lou Lou?" Niall pipes, her grin breaking the rest out into smiles and her eyes are dancing in mirth and it feels like she's half smirking. What a prat group of friends.

Instead of giving anything away at first, Eleanor distributes the food to their respective owners and bites into her burger. "So Haz was waiting to pick me up." They all nod for her to continue.

"And there's this auto repair shop near my apartment to which I've never even given a rats arse thought about."

"Oooooh this is good." Harry kicks Niall's leg under the table, "Don't do that you fucker."

"Then H here decides she's going to deflate her scooter tyre just to get the girl who works there to fix it and then she can ogle at her."

"That's her phone number then." Sophia says.

"No, I didn't get it." Harry pouts, "I don't like her anyway."

"That's a first." Liam interrupts.

Eleanor laughs comically "That's exactly what I said." and Harry bangs her head on the table in mock defeat.

"She was sexy though and hot-"

"And now you're drooling. I have a girlfriend back home. I don't need this." Niall points a finger at Harry, "Keep your dirty thoughts to yourself."

"How's Zayn anyway?" Harry asks at the mention of her.

-

It's a Friday when they meet again. Niall's driving herself and Harry this time to the same mall they go to every time once a week. Zayn's joining them too once she's done with her class in an hour. She's a tan skinned dark haired girl with extremely goddess structured physique. She's too gorgeous for her own good and Niall's lucky to have landed with her.

The car breaks down, it gives a cough and a chug and stops working altogether with a hiss in the middle of the road. Niall slams her hands on the steering wheel in frustration.

"I knew this fucktard needed a fix."

"Why didn't you then?"

"Why do you think?" Niall retorts, "Fuck."

"And you let the poor thing choke."

"When did my car become a living thing?" Niall looks at her astounded, "You need to stop referencing everything to biology."

Harry ignores her remark and says instead, "I know where we can get this fixed."

"Where?"

"I'll be back." And just like that she's out of the car and looking left and right before crossing the road.

"You better not take too long." Niall shouts out the window and Harry flips the bird at her.

She's so thankful she'd decided to wear a leather dress today, it's gonna call for a good impression on Louis. On second thoughts she hopes Louis is working today.

Upon arrival at the workshop, she notices there’s a lot more workers, bustling about their work and two cars being repaired on.

Her eyes scour the quarters for a short brunette with a dominant step to her walk. The workers are all male except for one girl who's got a mop of red hair in a pixie cut and tattoos lining each of her arms visible through the cut sleeves of the denim jacket. What if Louis' not here? She's been contemplating seeing her for a whole week. Her eyes keep flying to the open door beside the metal rack each time someone appears but it's never the blue eyed starlet she's looking for. With each passing minute she can feel the hope that had been building up throughout the walk from the car dredge into pools. Idling by the entrance isn't going to help anything since no one's even inquiring of her presence.

Taking a deep breath, she scuffs her Chelsea boots against the concrete and heads inside. If not for a brief glance at her, the redhead resumes her work, carrying a toolbox towards a silver Volkswagen. It's a guy in a tank top who approaches her when she's beginning to feel lost among the people.

"May I help you?" there's an odd tilt to his question. Harry gulps and focuses on the rag he's using to clean his greased hands.

"Umm." Would it be weird if she simply asked for Louis? Would the people in here suspect of something? "Louis? Is she um here?"

A sickeningly sweet smile wreaths his face and Harry wants to punch it. "Through that door and you'll find her."

"Thanks." Harry deadpans, stomping towards the room.

It's a dingy room, dull and smelling stuffy with an unnecessary three feet shelved cupboard cramped into a corner. A locker is fixed against the wall and Harry guesses it's where the employees store their belongings.

Louis' seated on a swivel chair, her feet propped on the table and a sandwich in hand, her mobile in the other. A look of surprise decks her face before it smoothes blank. She's wearing the same outfit as the last time the two of them met but a red shirt underneath and her hair in a bun.

Harry feels like all her words are lodged at the back of her throat, coiling away from the outside world they're about to face. Oh shit!

"Cat got your tongue?"

Harry manages to stop herself from rolling her eyes, mentally remind herself that Niall's probably sulking in the car by now. "Our car broke down and I was wondering if you could fix it?"

Stuffing the last piece of the sandwich into her mouth, Louis tucks her phone into her back pocket and moves past Harry, not even glancing at her.

 _Think_! Harry hisses to herself, biting furiously at her lip, "Quick." She notices the sandwich wrapper still sitting on the desk, Louis had forgotten to throw and decides to leave her phone beside it. It's not like she's got much of anything important in her mobile, just the contacts and a few pictures. Yeah, that'll do.

"Where's it?" Louis asks when Harry joins her.

"Outside." Harry makes a hand motion, "Just a distance away, I promise it's not a long walk."

"Okay, alright. Let's go."

   

Louis gestures to the tank top guy that she'll be back and Harry has to bite her tongue from sputtering a remark.

-

It's only when they're twenty minutes late that Niall receives a call, a frown upon her lips at one point which Harry doesn't bother to ask, probably Zayn getting late. Once she's done she glares at Harry.

"What?"

"Where's your phone?"

"My phone?"

"Yeah." Niall turns back to watching the road, "Your blue kitten cased phone Haz. Sophia's been ringing you and you're not answering."

"Oh." Harry's twiddling with her fingers and she knows Niall can see it because her hand curls around Harry's.

"What happened? You had it when we left our flats and then..." a look of realization dawns on her and with a stern tone she continues, "What the fuck did you do Harry?"

"Okay." Harry deflates, "I left it at the repair shop."

"Why'd you do that?" Niall doesn't seem surprised anymore, "Were you hoping Louis would find it?"

"Well, of course you were. What else would be the reason." she adds a second later, "But there's a chance someone else might come across it."

"Bugger off, they wouldn't touch something that's not theirs."

Niall doesn't question her further, opting to throw a smile her way in a _whatever blows your way_ suggestion.

Sophia does nag her when they arrive with an air annoyance and Niall hints them with "genius work" which eggs them all and Harry has to give them details of her under work.

-

When they're halfway into their shopping spree, El nudges Harry with a look that screams of a scheming intention behind it. "Let's ring your phone and see what happens."

Zayn's confused when the girls huddle around to listen to the phone conversation and Harry can hear Niall briefing her on it.

Pulling a piece of loose thread from her new jumper in worry, Harry looks to Eleanor who swats at her hand. Two rings and on the third, it's picked up, a soft "hello" simpering through.

She feels her blood rushing god knows where and her fingers tingling. "Hi! Umm." Niall pinches her stomach and Harry hurries to ask, "Is this uhh Louis?"

"Harry?" oh god she remembers my name she thinks. This is not the time to jump like a schoolgirl when her friends are listening in on the conversation.

"You left your phone." Louis continues to say and adds, "I think."

"Yes, I remembered so, just now." Harry's so shit at lying, she's hoping Louis doesn't see through it though. "Will you be there past six so I can come collect it?"

"I'm off work but Jake, you know the guy with the tank top you saw.”

And Harry mutters a “yeah”

“He will be here. I'll let him know you’ll be coming." Louis responds and Harry tightens her jaw, posture crumbling.

"Okay, yeah. sure." she lets out a breath of defeat. At least she tried. "Thanks for keeping it."

"No problem."  and they bid goodbye before cutting off.

"That's it?" Liam pipes up and they're all looking at her with open mouths except for Zayn who's got a smirk which Harry's sure she can knock off with a punch.

"Yes, apparently some people are happy."

"I can get the phone for you, you know." Zayn says as everyone turns to look at her now, "But since you fancy her, I won't offer to do so."

"I could give you a black eye right now." Harry feels the annoyance bubbling just as Niall exclaims a “hey”, wrapping her arms around her girlfriend.

"Louis is my flatmate."

And..... Harry gapes because what?

"How come I never see her around?" Niall asks.

"Because she's always busy." Zayn pecks Niall's lips, "Now shall we continue our endeavours?"

 _Busy with what?_ Harry wants to ask but it doesn’t seem fair to be poking her nose into other people’s lives so she shuts up and tags along.

She'd done her own shopping for some books, she'd stashed into the back box case which had been the reason for being so late.

The roadside is completely dark save for the light from the workshop. She parks her scooter by the side and ducks under the roller shutter that's been pulled halfway down. She's expecting to see the brown haired guy with a sullen and bored expression, annoyed at the least. She's expecting him to thrust the device into her hands with a muttered curse and be on his way. She rounds the corner and peeks into the room with a sheepish look and instead meets glistening blue eyes.

"Louis?" her voice comes out squeaky and embarrassed.

"Hey!", the girl greets her, "Took you long enough."

Harry's heart is ricocheting around her ribcage, she wants to scream in glee. "I...yes, sorry."

Louis waves her hand, clutching the phone and smiles, "Don't worry about it." and Harry takes it with a word of thanks. "That's a nice phone case."

"Thanks."

She watches the shorter girl pick up her jacket from the arm of the chair and shrug it on over her tank top. "Would you like me to drop you off?"

Louis doesn't reply straight away, simply continues picking up a set of keys and switching off the lights before ushering Harry out and pulling the roller door down all the way.

"How do you travel?" Harry asks then, knowing quite well where Zayn lived and it’s pretty far from the workshop.

Louis turns the lock with a click and tucks her hands into her jacket pockets, bringing out the familiar coin in one hand, “I take the bus.”

“That’s ridiculous! At this time of night?” Harry shakes her head and points a thumb behind her in the direction of her scooter. "Come on, I'll give you a ride."

Sighing, Louis complies.

They speed past El's block, her lights all out. It doesn't feel as lonely tonight as she usually does, going home from work. She always took this road, never once sparing a glance at the repair shop that held the girl her heart was beginning to skip beats for.

"Do you attend Uni?" Harry asks, she can feel the hand that's wrapped around her waist. It feels small through the fabric of her dress.

Louis' hand tightens before relaxing. "No."

"You work all day then." It's not a question. The breeze and helmets are obscuring their conversation, Harry opts to yell louder.

"Kind of."

Harry can hear the reluctance in her voice, like she's trying to hold back from saying too much and she understands circumstances acquainted in such situations.

"We're having a girl's night this Sunday. You should come by." She suggests.

Louis scoffs. Harry bites her lip feeling dejected. "We barely know each other."

"We don't have to." Harry starts, "We're just a couple of girls going for a drink. The drink’s on me."

Louis doesn't say anything and Harry wants to so much as urge her to come along. "Please?" If only she could pose her big doe eyes and get her to agree like she does with everyone else. Her mother's come to resist that look though, took her sixteen years.

    “I’ll think about it.”

    Harry nods and minutes later states, “I used to be a baker.” just as they pass a honking car, making them wince.

Once they’ve passed an intersection, Louis asks, “Why are you telling me this?”

Harry shrugs, “I don’t know.” She says, “It makes for good jokes.”

“Oh really?”

“Hmmm.”

“I can’t hear you.”

“I can demonstrate.” Harry offers.

Louis nudges her with the hand that’s not on her waist, “Go on then. I hope it’s not as lame as the old man I saw crossing the street this morning.”

“Hey! That’s mean.” and Louis chuckles. Harry nibbles her lip in thought, her eyes concentrated painfully on the spaced white markings on the road.

“Why did the dog go to the court?”

“Dogs can’t go to court Harry.” Louis replies without a second thought. Harry dares to let go of the handle and reach behind her to smack at Louis, receiving a squeak from her. “You tell me then.”

“Because he got a barking ticket.” She makes a flourish with an arm which Louis slaps at.

“That’s horrible.”

“I’ve got another one.” Harry says instead excitedly.

“Harr-”

“You’re gonna love this.” She persuades. Prompted by a tap, she continues, “What’s the difference between bogeys and sprouts?”  

“This is ridiculous.” Louis guffaws, “Bogeys? Really?”

“You can’t get kids to eat sprouts.”

“Ewwww!!!!! Haz!!” Louis sounds horrified, hitting Harry on the shoulder in the process.

“Have you always lived in London?” Harry questions when they pass a few miles.

“No. Doncaster.” Her yawn sounds so tired and Harry grimaces in sympathy. She wants to tell her to rest her eyes, lay her head on her back but that sounds dangerous also considering they’re going at a fast pace on a scooter. “I’m from Cheshire.” She pats Louis’ hand softly and except for a hum from the girl, they stay quiet the rest of the ride.

When they reach the flats, Harry keeps the engine running, until she’s sure Louis gets inside safe. The girl turns around at the entrance and gives a short wave. Harry smiles softly, reciprocates the gesture and turns her scooter around to leave, just as Louis’ figure disappears behind the door.

-

When Harry enters the club with Eleanor in tow, music thrumming the drums of her ears and alcohol tickling her nostrils, Louis is already there. She's seated at the counter next to Zayn, head thrown back in laughter and for a moment Harry feels that spike of jealousy strike through her. Why's Louis laughing with Zayn when she barely had a conversation with her when they first met?

"Relax." Eleanor whispers into her ear, "Zayn's her best friend."

Harry makes a face, "Yeah. yeah." she waves her hand in nonchalance, trying to convey that she's not bothered but heck she is.

Sophia is leaning her head on Liam’s shoulder, engrossed in the conversation Niall is blabbering about, Liam making an input here and there. Harry and Eleanor approach the table with a "Hi" and the others turn to them in delight, getting off their stools to tackle the two girls in a hug in welcome while Louis is seated, watching the scene unfold.

"Trying to breathe here." Harry laughs, tapping Niall's shoulder. Louis smiles at that and it makes Harry's heart squeal.

Zayn mumbles a "heading to the loo", winks at Harry and disappears. Taking the hint, Harry takes Zayn's seat and greets Louis with a "Hi!"

Louis returns the greeting and asks, "Do you guys do this everyday?"

"Sometimes." Harry shrugs, "When we're all free from our slavery." Louis laughs but for some reason Harry feels like that's not what her laugh should sound like because there's an edge to it, like she's holding back and it's no surprise at all. "Didn't Zayn invite you?"

"Oh yes." Louis says, "She always does, I just…I'm busy with work so..." she gives a shrug, swirling the liquid in her glass before raising it to her lips for a sip.

Harry takes the risk of patting the girl's shoulder, "You're always welcome to join us." and points to her drink, "What did you get? Do you want another?"

"Tequila." Louis murmurs, "No this is fine."

Harry nods and orders a long island iced tea, catching Louis smirk from the corner of her eye.

"Planning on getting drunk?" Louis asks once Harry has taken a tasting sip of her drink.

Harry quirks an eyebrow, points at her and goes, "You planning on getting drunk? I have no work tomorrow so I can sleep in." She quirks her lips in a riling manner.

Louis says nothing, giving a shake of her head and watches Zayn ask Niall to dance. Harry traces the rim of her glass with her index, in thought, she really wants to spark a conversation with the brunette but fear is already strangling her vocal cords.

Minutes later Harry orders two shots of vodka, already feeling the alcohol seep into her bloodstream. She's feeling the effects just as she tips the shot glass and gulps down the liquid. Her body feels hot and warm and she feels the blood pumping. The excitement is pulling at her, the music is a little louder and the smell of sweat is stronger. It's buzzing in her.

"How many have you had?" Harry asks, holding her shot and staring at Louis.

"Four." Louis giggles, showing four fingers. Harry's eyes go wide and she spins on her seat to speak to Zayn but it's empty. Oh, yeah she's dancing. Fuck! Louis' hand is splayed on the counter and Harry places a warning hand on her wrist.

"I think that's enough Louis."

Louis makes a sort of clicking noise with her tongue and orders two more shots. She's definitely tipsy.

"Okay." Harry says, taking her hand off and watching the girl now take sips of the shot instead. "So what's your last name? Mine's Styles so it's Harry Styles."

Louis hums through her laugh, "I like that. Suits you. Preppy dresses and all that." She makes a gesture at the attire Harry's wearing today.

"It's not a dress today. Shorts and jacket, not much I'd say." Harry corrects, "Do you visit your family?"

Louis stares at her, gulps the drink and reaches for the next, tipping that in too. Okay, wow. "Sometimes." It comes out in a whisper and she's got a pained expression. Harry decides that's all she's gonna interrogate further, doesn't want Louis getting drunker because of her questions.

A tap on her back has Harry turning around to face Eleanor, whose eyes are glossed. At least Liam will be sober enough to make sure all of them are safe, she barely drinks and Harry can see the light reflecting on Sophia's dress where she's dancing in the midst of the crowd. Eleanor makes a hand motion that apparently dictates dancing, pecks Harry's hair and is off.

Louis' got two new shots in front of her and she's glaring at them, her hand fisted on the table. Oh God.

Drinking the last of her vodka, Harry gets up and nudges Louis on her shoulder, "Come dance with me."

Her blue eyes now beginning to gloss over, like Eleanor’s, before she's nodding. Harry waits till she's done with her shots, before taking a hold of her hand and pulling her into the middle of the body of humans.

    They dance to the beat of uptown funk, pumped and buzzing, Louis in a drunken haze, throwing her hands in the air and making a swinging motion with her hips. Harry laughs loudly, amused and fucking overjoyed. She throws really ridiculous dance moves and Louis tells her as much which makes her grin delightedly.

    Zayn intrudes their bubble minutes into lucky by daft punk and whispers that she’s taking a sick Niall home. Louis pushed her away with a, “Fuck off Zaynie.” The raven haired girl raises her hands in surrender and walks away with a backward glance at them. As soon as she leaves, Louis clutches onto Harry, dancing together, around each other like drunken cats, trying to find their bed. It’s an electrifying feeling, Louis’ hands brushing against hers every now and then, sometimes making her hitch her breath.

Five songs later, beads of sweat line their foreheads and necks and Harry slumps into the shorter girl, feeling hazy, happy and tired all at the same time, placing her head into the crook of her neck with a short laugh and hands on her waist. She feels wetness on the lobe of her ear, Louis’ tongue licking a stripe over it. Harry pulls back to gaze at the beauty before her, feeling light and aroused. Louis stares back at her, mouth open and breathing heavily. Harry’s eyes search hers and there’s no fear, no hesitation but lust dusted eyes, the blue so bright and golden specks glinting brightly than before.

    Ducking, Harry presses a soft kiss on her lips just to test the waters, hands on the girl’s small waist, sliding them down to her arse. She feels Louis tense underneath her and Harry licks her thin bottom lip, pulling it between her teeth and biting down softly, heart hammering in her chest. Louis pulls closer to her, her shoulders slackening, a moan breaking from her throat as she gives in. Harry’s sure it’s fireworks she’s seeing behind her lids.

    Harry nibbles her lip, kneading at Louis’ cheeks through her jeans and grinding against her front, fabric against fabric.

    With a pop, she lets go of Louis’ lip and slides their lips together, Louis’ tongue prodding at the seam of Harry’s lips and he blunt nails scratching up and down Harry’s back. Breathing into each other’s mouths, each tasting of alcohol, their tongues play with each other. Harry lets a soft moan slip past her lips as Louis suckles loudly on her tongue, tasting her and moaning into her mouth.

    When they break apart, breath ragged and hearts pattering, Harry takes one look at Louis’ heavy lidded, hungry eyes, grabs her by the hand and heads towards Liam. She presses her scooter keys into Liam’s hand and pulls Louis out the door, hailing a cab and nearly tripping inside because of Louis’ lack of coordination.

 

    They attack each other’s lips as soon as they get in, Harry pulling away to nip at Louis’ sweaty, soft skin on her neck. Louis moves her head to the side to give her more access as she sucks to leave a red mark, soon to turn purple.

They end up at Harry’s flat, tripping up the steps, swollen lips and hooded eyes. Giggling, Louis leans on Harry as she unlocks the door. They make it as far as the bedroom before Louis is tearing at Harry’s clothes, grinding on each other and whining high in her throat.

    Harry is giggling into Louis’ mouth and she pulls away to look at her with a confused look across her face, nose scrunched in a cute way and it only makes Harry giggle even more. “Why you laughing?” Louis bats at her floppily which is cutely endearing.

    “Nothing.” Harry shushes her with a finger to her lips. Louis pretends to bite it, making a snapping sound with her teeth when it clicks together. Harry suppresses a laugh and tugs at Louis’ zip and pushes down the jeans, placing her hands back on the knickers Louis is wearing.

Louis rubs herself against the contact, fingernails digging into Harry’s arms, blunt and stinging. “Bed.” She breathlessly whispers, tipping her neck to the side for more access for Harry’s lips.

    Harry complies, walking both of them towards the bed, Louis’ back to it. Louis’ fingers are tugging at Harry’s blouse, her jacket somewhere in the hallway, discarded during their haste. She feels Louis slowly drag her fingers underneath her blouse, cupping her hands around her plump breasts, squeezing, kneading them through the lace bra she had chosen to wear that evening.

    Harry shivers when Louis swipes a finger across her nipple, pressing her fingernail into the skin of it, rousing her further. She keeps clenching her vaginal walls as they take longer than expected to get their clothes off, too desperate to wait any longer.

    The short brunette falls onto the bed with a soft plop and a reflexive gasp when Harry pushes her down and climbs on top, placing her legs on each side of Louis’ body. The light from the moon peeking through the window is enough for Harry to see the tan line of Louis’ bra strap, peeking from where the strap is slightly askew.

    Louis’ slides her finger through Harry’s wispy curls, pressing the pads lightly onto her scalp. Harry hisses from the pleasure. “Okay?” She asks Louis and the girl nods, too weak for words. She sends Harry a hazy smile and ruts upwards so their clothed vaginas rub against each other, making both of them gasp into the silent room   

    Moving a hand down Louis’ side where she had been cupping her neck, she presses a thumb into Louis’ hipbone, the girl’s body responding to it. Harry trails her fingers from her hip, pulls at the elastic of Louis’ knickers and stops at the centre. She can feel the dampness at the centre of her knickers and Harry knows hers are too.

    “Harry!” Louis gasps; eyes squeezed shut, “Please.” With one quick motion, Harry pulls off Louis’ knickers and her eyes flit down to the pubic hairs that are trimmed and shaven into a sort of triangular shape. Her fingers brush against them, feeling the prickly hairs. She grazes them with her fingernails, making Louis shiver underneath her.

 

    Louis loosens her tight grip on Harry’s hair and  moves her hands down to Harry’s neck, stroking the skin there before she raises her head to suck a bruise just under her jaw on the soft, pale skin. Her fingers then move over and down Harry’s back to unhook her black lace bra.

    Harry slides her panties off and makes quick work of unhooking Louis’ bra, pushing them onto the floor with the rest of the garments. Both of them are fully naked, exposed under the moonlight.

    “Beautiful.” Harry murmurs, pressing her pointer on Louis’ lower lip. She traces a line from her lip, down to her chin and neck, through the valley of her breasts and stops at her navel. Her eyes take in the soft curves and tan skin, the full breasts and the love bites she had marked upon her. Louis flushes under her gaze and lifts her head to latch onto Harry’s left nipple, rolling the nub under her tongue till it grows hard before moving onto the other. Harry sucks in a gasp. “Fuck!” Prickles of pleasure run down her back.

She slides a finger between the lips of her outer labia, eliciting a cry of pleasure from Louis. Harry massages her clitoris, rolls the inner labia lips with a thumb and forefinger before bringing her fingers to her mouth to suck. Louis watches wide eyed as Harry moans at the taste then continue to press her lips to Louis’ so she tastes herself.

    Louis bends her right leg; foot planted on the downy mattress so her knee sits between Harry’s parted thighs, touching her vagina. Harry’s fingers stutter and a gasp escapes her lips when the smooth skin of Louis’ knee rubs against her velvet lips.  Louis noses at Harry’s bowed head, her hair falling down like a curtain of silk, breathing a “So wet.” into the apple smelling strands.

    Harry mouths at Louis’ left nipple, licking wet stripes over it, making it flushed and hard. It goes red when she lightly bites it, Louis’ gasping at the sensitiveness.

    She adds in another finger, which slides in easily with her pointer. Louis digs her fingers into Harry’s scalp with a muffled groan. “Gonna fuck you with my fingers till you come.” Harry wheezes, letting go of the nipple with a soft pop, “So fucking good Lou.”

    Louis nips at Harry’s chin in response, a blissful sound falling from her lips, her teeth clenched, her leg rubbing furiously over Harry’s wet pussy in a rhythm. She bites the love banner on Harry’s chest, her left hand stroking the left bird in invisible patterns.

    Harry collapses onto Louis with a huff of breath and Louis laughs with the force of it. “Sorry.” She apologizes but her eyes are twinkling and Harry wants to see that bright light of happiness in her, forever, so she shuts her up with a gentle kiss, soft and sweet.

    They both begin to feel their orgasms build up as Harry moves her fingers faster in and out, her thumb massaging Louis’ nub and rutting herself on Louis’ thigh mercilessly. They moan loudly, Louis’ hand scrabbling on the sheets for something to grab a hold of whilst Harry’s free hand strokes Louis’ sides, near her ribs. She rubs at her nipples, so sensitive with over touch that Louis mewls in pleasured pain. “Touch me. Please.” She whispers into Louis’ skin.

    Louis’ thigh is wet from Harry’s juices, she keeps up Harry’s rhythm and moves her hands from Harry’s hair down and over her shoulder and supple body, dipping at the top of her bum then she enters a finger between the crack of Harry’s cheeks and touches the base of her vagina. “Haz.” Louis whispers tentatively, “I’m gonna-”

    “I know.” Harry cuts her off, feeling Louis clench around her fingers, “Me too.” The familiar bubbly feeling is rising in her lower belly, working herself on Louis’ thigh, she comes up to kiss the girl, Louis’ soft lips wet and swollen, a bead of sweat lying on her upper lip. Harry grunts against Louis; lips and Louis shudders underneath her, muscles tensing and with a cry of Harry’s name, she comes.

  
            Louis breathes heavily, trying to gain her breath while Harry works herself up. Louis’ finger lies dormant in Harry’s pussy; she pushes it in and out, and then brings it up to her lips with Harry’s eyes on her. Her pink swollen lips part to suck in the finger which makes Harry whimper, bringing her to the edge. She comes with a startled cry of “Lou!” before she goes still. She can feel the rise and fall of Louis’ chest under her, their breasts squished between them, coated in sweat.

Louis mumbles something incoherent, addled with sleep, her eyes heavy and fluttering in weariness. "Go to sleep." Harry whispers, tucking a stray strand of hair behind Louis’ ear.

She lazily gets off the bed to make a trip to the bathroom, staggering on her feet, to retrieve a piece of washcloth. When she gets back after having a shower, fully sobered up, she makes sure to wipe Louis' body clean before getting under the covers. Louis is still unconsciously awake, grunting when Harry jostles the bed. She turns over and throws a hand over Harry's stomach and Harry can't help but smile dazedly.

There's not a sparse light filtering through the window glass, the streets are probably pitch dark. Yet she thinks her eyes can make out the contours of Louis' face, her cheekbones and jaw line and the line of her nose. Drowsiness is beginning to take its effects on her though and she simply can't keep her eyes open any longer.

Harry ties her long curly hair into a bun, letting it sit on the top of her head without a hair band and turns to her side so she can spoon Louis. Louis' sort of snuggled into her, legs bent at the knees and head in the crook of Harry's chin and chest. It's like she's made herself as small as possible. Letting out a breath of fatigue, she brushes her fingers through Louis' hair, lying like a halo spread over the pale blue of the pillowcase.

Pressing one last kiss onto Louis' forehead, Harry shuts her eyes and breathes evenly, feeling content and happy. It feels like there's always been this heavy feeling like there's an empty space and now she doesn't even feel it. Doesn't feel the tears before bed at the empty feeling, she never even understood what it was. But now she thinks she kind of knows what it might be.

-

Morning does not fail to give her a killer hangover yet she's used to it, going to a bar at least once a week. Groaning, she turns to find her phone, her fingers scrambling on the table top. She feels the warm body next to her shift and groan and that startles her for a minute when she realizes it's just Louis. It makes her pause a beat, relishing in the night before and the same feeling of elation ignites her bones.

She smiles wearily and turns her head to stare at the beauty asleep. Louis' got her hands tucked under her chin, knees touching her elbows, she's curled up like a fetus and that makes Harry smile wider. She looks so bloody cute like that but at the same time there's a pang. Harry knows, she definitely feels it in her that Louis is not this exterior human she's met however many times.

 

Harry carefully sits up so as not to disturb the girl and gets to her feet, making sure to drape the duvet over Louis' naked body.

 

Making breakfast is Harry's thing, whether Niall or Eleanor's around or not. She loves the idea of a home cooked meal. Waking up early always gives her the benefit of preparing something healthy before work or classes. The girls never fail to tease her about it though.

There's leftover pizza from the night Niall was over, it's stinking up the fridge already so she's puts it away in the trash then takes out two eggs and some cheese. Harry fills up a glass of water and gets some Advil. She swallows her share before making her way to the bedroom to place the pills and water for Louis for when she wakes up with an even worse hangover than Harry's.

It's going to be eggs and cheese with toast. Her body feels too sluggish to do anything right now, her mind keeps mumbling that she ought to just flop on the sofa and go to sleep but she really wants to set an impression on Louis and if food is the way to a man's heart, why not a woman's?

Harry puts her iPod on shuffle whilst she goes about cracking the eggs into a dry pan and toasting the bread, shaking her hips to the beat of Don't. The kitchen window is open to air out the smell of oil and eggs since she hates it when the kitchen gets too hot and stuffy.

A loud thump echoes which makes Harry nearly drop the spatula, stunned by the intrusion before a bang and a small cry of pain follows. Concerned, she switches off the iPod before leaving the spatula by the now turned off stove to head to the hallway. And she's just in time to see a body flying across the hall and the front door swinging shut.

Harry stands there as if someone's just punched her stomach so hard that instead of falling over, she's been petrified. For a moment she's unable to acknowledge the fact that Louis had just walked out on her.

Was she expecting it? No. Does she deserve this? Probably.

It's when it strikes her good that Harry lets out a strangled sob and falls to the floor, slumping against the wall because God did that hurt. Her hands are quivering and it's not like she's in love with the girl, it's just that she wasn't expecting this. Harry had imagined that they'd sit down for breakfast, have a nice chat and perhaps exchange numbers and from there, they could start dating or something.

She sits there in silence, tears streaking her pale face, hiccups occupying the silence every now and then. If someone had walked in right now, they'd think that Harry had finally broken, like the people in asylum's who stare at walls and not even know their names.

Her phone buzzes in the midst of the din but she makes no move to walk over to the kitchen table. She's content sitting here wallowing in day that's turned to absolute shit. The phone keeps fucking ringing though. It rings and stops before starting again and it's driving Harry crazy. All she wants is a bit of quiet right now.

Trusting herself to curse at whoever is interrupting her, she stands up on wobbly feet and walks to the table. The screen light up with none other than Niall’s grinning face and Harry wants to chuck her phone into the bin. Can't Niall wait just two hours without ringing her up so early?

"Missed me Niall?" She speaks with a venomous tone when she accepts the call.

Niall laughs, loud and annoyingly, "Well, someone's got their panties in a twist." She's obviously chewing on something because of the obnoxious sounds from the other end, "Just wanted to see if you got home safe even though this is a later time to do so. You could have died hours ago on the highway or something but you're alive I see and I'll let you be."

Harry's silent, her eyes squeezed shut. Here's Niall, sweet, joyous Niall calling her at nine in the morning to check up on her when the girl herself had to be taken home early because she had vomited. Harry feels really really guilty that her first thought was to be pissed at the girl.

"Haz, you okay?"

She doesn't reply though, simply holds the phone close to her ear and listens to Niall's voice and the background sounds.

"Babe? Haz? What's wrong? Something's obviously wrong." Then after a beat of silence, she softly asks, "Is it Louis?"

Harry nods before realizing that Niall can't see her. "Yes." She whispers, “We did it.”

"And?" Niall prompts gently, instinctively knowing there’s more to the story.

She lets out a soft sniffle. "She walked out on me a few minutes ago."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Brittle Bones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even in the darkest hour you find peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has been long overdue and I want to profusely apologize to anyone who's been waiting to read the rest of this story. I'm am extremely sorry. I had been loaded with a lot of writing for exchanges and barely had time to flesh out this chapter and the midst of it I had my own personal hurdles. 
> 
> The chapter is finally here though and I am very glad to release it. This happens to also be one of the many stories I've written that I am extremely proud of.
> 
> I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I did writing.
> 
> Thank you to the wonderful [Tez](http://larryfictious.tumblr.com/) for britpicking this for me. 
> 
> A special message to [Star](http://star55.tumblr.com/) : Thank you for being patient with me and cheering me on :)

It’s been a week. Or possibly weeks or months or maybe even a year and Harry could care less. Life is not being fair to her and she’s not even complaining because she knows deep down that she deserves it. All she’s been doing is slaving over her University assignments, going on endless shopping sprees, hitting the pub at least twice a week and applying for a new job since she got fired at her last one where she worked as a waitress and ended up being late at least three times.

           

She’s also been hoarding packets of crisps and right now, she’s sitting on the sofa, swaddled in a heap of blankets with the lights out and the television on. The crisps keep falling onto the sofa, onto the floor mat and there will probably be a trail of ants carrying them to their nests in the morning. Her eyes are deadly focused on the murder scene on the screen and her ears ignore the constant ringing of her mobile phone.

           

Harry could cry, yes, she could drown out her misfortunes with a few bottles of hard liquor but she’s too tired to even do that. She’s tired of seeing the pity etched across her friends’ faces and listening to them give her advice. She’s twenty fucking years old and she can handle herself, something her friends don’t get right now. Anne had invited her over to stay with the family for awhile and it was nice. It was something familiar, something out of the ordinary, something she had long since missed and it was as her mother had believed something she needed.

           

Gemma had been protective of course, older sister and what not. She had gone on an intervention, asking every single question that could exist related to Harry’s love life. She had poured out stories of her own misfortunes with guys to Harry and told her that eventually time does heal wounds even though the scars never fade.

           

Anne crawled into bed with her at night and rubbed her tummy. Harry loved having her stomach being rubbed whenever she was not feeling good. It soothed her insides and it portrayed how much her mother loved her. In the mornings Anne would make her feel extra special by making her favourite blueberry pancakes with drizzled syrup which caused Gemma to whine and pinch Harry.

 

Robin was ever so loving; as a father should be. He took her fishing by the lake and even got her to mow the lawn with him. Whilst all of it, he made sure to give her a bit of fatherly advice.

 

A week with her family did her good. She was happy and back to her jovial state, cracking retarded jokes and playing with the cats, even catching up with her childhood friends who were still in Cheshire but were paving their own futures.

 

But when she got back to London and back into the week old vanilla smelling flat, she felt everything she had been trying to forget crumble on her and the weight shift back into her shoulders. Her insides felt like they were being pulled out and her head burned. Her tear ducts probably didn’t even have any tears left at all.

 

So here she is sulking like a cat damned to the streets for the rest of its life. She barely even sleeps in her bedroom anymore for the view of it makes her churn even though she had changed the sheets. That night floods into her mind and takes over her senses as if nothing is wrong, completely ignoring the fact that she could really do with some forgetting.

 

Ten minutes later the doorbell rings and Harry sighs in exasperation. It means she has to get out of this comfortable mound of sheets and face the cold air, her sockless feet touching the icky cold tiles just to go open the freaking door.

 

She waits, patiently; to see if the ringing would stop but then it turns to banging. Groaning, she hauls herself out of the sofa and walks to the door; almost hopping on her toes for the floor is cold as fuck. “What is it door banger?” She groans when she opens the door. She knows its Niall; she’s been ringing her phone nonstop.

 

“That’s one way to greet me.” Niall smirks but then she’s pushing Harry aside and entering the hall, kicking off her Supras by the door. “I see you’ve been having a good time and you didn’t even think of me. Turn some lights on for goodness sake.”

 

Harry picks up the throw pillow and hurls it at Niall while she’s switching on all the lights. The pillow knocks her square on the face when she turns around.

 

“Heyyyy!!” Niall shrieks, clutching the pillow and threatening to attack Harry with it. “What did I do?”

 

“You made me get off the sofa and now I’m too moody to go back to napping.”

 

“You weren’t napping.” Niall points at the TV in justification.

 

“I was.” Harry argues. “Shut your trap.” She heads into the kitchen to get them something to eat, specifically junk food and some pop.

 

“I have a mouth to speak H.” Niall calls out.

 

“But you speak too much.” Harry calls back, raiding the fridge. “One of these days I’m going to put you in a bag and leave you in a forest or something.”

 

“Zayn would be mad. She’d hunt you down. Probably steal your flower scarves and all that fancy shit you’ve got.”

 

Harry gasps, mildly offended. “You just insulted my clothing.”

 

“I did.”

 

“I hate you.”

 

“You don’t.”

 

“I do.”

 

“You love me.”

 

“Sucks then.”

 

Niall is waiting for her with a sickly, wide smile when she comes back with two cans of mountain dew and packets of crisps. Hot chilli crisps.

 

“Come here you.” Niall pulls Harry into her embrace and she comes easily, too sad to even think about resisting. Niall rubs her back and plants a kiss on her forehead. “It’ll be okay you know.”

 

“I wish.” Harry grumbles, stuffing her face against Niall’s chest and wiggling her toes to find the blankets. “I really thought I had a chance and now I’m the one on the other side of the bar.”

 

There’s a hiss and a pop as Niall breaks the tab of the mountain dew can, and Harry’s hand gropes in search of the blankets, pulling them up when she gets a hold of them. She pulls them over her head and snuggles further into Niall’s warmth.

 

“Are you trying to be a caterpillar in hibernation or something?” Niall laughs.

 

“Caterpillars don’t hibernate you moron.” Harry groans, sneaking a hand out to slap at the girl. She gets a couple crisps on her palm instead. “Thanks.”

 

Niall hums and lowers the volume of the television. “By the way don’t even see yourself as the person on the other side of the bar. What you used to do were hook-ups and those are just one time things. Whoever you did it with clearly knew what it was.”

 

“It’s karma.” Harry replies, “I know it is.”

 

“Shut up Haz.” Niall says but then Harry feels the blanket shift and she’s face to face with a maliciously grinning Niall. She rubs their noses together and Harry groans.

 

“Oh God. You really have no idea about personal space do you?”

 

“Nope.” Niall shakes her head.

 

“I’ll never understand why Zayn never gets annoyed at you for it.”

 

“That’s because we’re in love.”

 

“Oh love.” Harry mocks, resting her head sideways on Niall’s chest, “We’re in love.” She imitates the girl, “I don’t need to know that.”

 

“I thought you loved love.” Niall says, “Gosh this is suffocating, how do you stay inside these blankets for so long?”

 

“Get out then.” Harry grumbles, “I used to love, love, not anymore.”

 

“You can’t let someone just ruin your view on something.”

 

“Well it’s done.”

 

_

 

Harry falls asleep, breathing softly as a kitten in deep slumber, under the thick blankets, her arms wrapped tightly around Niall’s waist. She only realizes she had been asleep when she wakes up with drool along her chin and Niall dead beat sleeping herself, her head in an awkward position on the sofa arm and the telly still running. Harry can’t help the smile that makes its way on her face at the mere sight of her one true best friend, being here for her and even willing to bloody sleep like a sprawled puppy.

 

She carefully gets up as quietly as the sofa would allow her to and picks up the stray blankets. She remakes them properly and draws all of them up until they reach Niall’s chest. It’s bound to eventually get too hot.

 

Her phone has no new missed calls but a text message from Eleanor asking what she’s up to. She doesn’t reply, instead locking her phone and switches off the television.

 

She begins by cleaning up the mess of crisp packets and pop cans on the floor and table. Then she sweeps the kitchen where crumbs from all kinds of foods she had devoured lie around, and hastens to put all of her washing in the hamper. It’s the little things. It’s the slight courage she’s feeling in that moment. It is the brief motivation to stand up and get some work done. It’s not much but it is something and she knows that if Niall was awake, she’d be beaming, even if she wouldn’t out rightly tell her how proud she is of Harry.

 

Shrugging on her black pea coat and tying on a silk flower headscarf to keep her unruly curls in place, she picks up Niall’s phone and turns off the silent mode so that in case she receives a phone call, she’d wake up to receive it. Then she slides on her boots and walks out of the flat that had her moping hours ago.

 

The street is desolate just like her heart. Its summer but she’s wearing a fucking coat and she doesn’t give a damn. It is as if she’s covering up everything about herself, it’s a saddening thought. Normally she goes with something open like shorts and a crop tee and maybe a coat over it. This time, it’s a loose tracksuit and plain white t-shirt with the pea coat hugging her figure and hair almost hidden by the scarf.

 

Unconsciously she toys with the anchor on her necklace. It reminds her of how Louis had touched it that night, had complimented it and wouldn’t stop fiddling with it. As if it had burnt her skin, she pulls away and slides her hand into the pocket of her tracksuit, searching for her phone when she remembers that she hadn’t brought it along with her.

 

The thing is she desperately wants to let go. Obviously not every female she comes into contact with is going to fall head over heels for her and they aren’t going to love every inch of her. And in this case Louis could be the very same. It was clearly a one night stand for her by the looks of it now.

 

Harry had always been the one who walked away, hooking up every time she was at a pub and then leaving the next morning or in some instances the same night. There had been quite a few girls who had tried reasoning with her, well maybe a one in every five but she had made it very clear to them that it would be a onetime thing right before they got down to business. And now…she’s the one who’s been left behind and trying to reason with the other who’s not even in her presence. It’s almost laughable. How pathetic!

 

What goes around comes around after all. She wasn’t the type to go around breaking hearts; she wasn’t brought up to be a person of such spite. She’d never fallen in love or had a relationship before and the girls she picked up were fun, someone to focus on while she forgot the lack of a certain aspect in her life. For half a year, after Niall and Zayn had gotten together, she used to believe that something was terribly wrong with her, for no one saw her like Zayn did Niall or vice versa.

 

And now when she reflects on all of it, it does actually seem like she’s been the heartbreaker the whole time even when she didn’t mean to. The universe had obviously decided to then give her a taste of her own medicine and oh how bitter it tasted! Even when she is surrounded by the people who love her, it is a cold stab in her heart, a prick and a sting that burns and churns within the pit of her belly.

 

A wretched sob escapes her swollen lips and she pulls her coat tighter around herself, trying to look small. She can still feel the soft touch of Louis’ skin on hers, the feel of her lips and how her eyes had crinkled. She misses it even if it had only been just one night where she got to witness these little quirks that defined Louis.

 

A part of her hates the girl for leaving her like a mess but the other part of her can barely even muster the courage to even think of Louis being the one at fault. What she failed to mention, that to her it was different and what Louis had realized, that it was a one night stand were the only reasons that had torn them apart. Harry never forgets, never, to let the people she gets with that their time together would only be brief. That night though, that bloody fucking night she had forgotten, she had been too lost by the touch of a warm feeling to let Louis know that she possibly felt something towards her.

 

Dismantled as her whole life feels right now, she can’t fix what’s happened and she’d only end up going in circles. She had once watched Gemma go through a tirade of emotional wreckage when she broke up with her boyfriend of three years. Harry scoffs. Three years Gemma and Caden had been together and still their love had failed and that only provides further proof to Harry that maybe relationships never do last after all and what she’s feeling could possibly be a minor crush, like the ones she used to have back in high school.

 

The closest store to her flat is open when she passes by it so she traces her steps backwards and heads into the place, head ducked in shame that someone would see the redness that colour her eyes or the tear tracks that trace her cheeks. She mindlessly walks along the aisles, eyes darting from one product to another until she stops at the sweet section. She takes two packets of mint gum and hurries to the drinks area to grab a couple of beers.

 

At the counter her eyes catch sight of the cigs that line the shelf and her fingers twitch. She feels the familiar longing and the bitter taste. “A pack of Marlboro lights please.” She requests after a moment of vexed hesitation. The lady behind the counter eyes her purchases with a quirked eyebrow but keeps quiet as she scans the items before bagging them. Harry pays the woman, ignoring her judging eyes and steps out.

 

Instead of going back to the dreadful apartment, she heads for the park nearby. It’s empty like the fucking street when she gets there and the grass is damp which tells her it’s been raining. “Well fuck it!” She groans when her foot lands in a puddle of water. Dusting off her leg to get rid of the excess water clinging to the material of the shoe, she cleans the bench with a used tissue she finds in her coat pocket.

 

It feels so fucking freeing when she finally takes a seat and sits back. She unscrews a beer and chugs half of it down in one go as her eyes stay focused on the stray dog that circles the park. The malty taste stings her tongue like a familiar friend in greeting. It makes her drink more and her hands fumble in the plastic bag for the packet of cigs. She doesn’t open it, instead toys with it in one hand while she holds the almost empty beer in the other.

 

Her stomach could burn right now and she wouldn’t care. She’d only had Cola and crisps as a meal for the entire day and its all fizz and chilli. She laughs for no apparent reason but it is apparently loud enough to scare the dog away. She wonders how long it’s been since she left the flat and whether Niall is looking for her or perhaps ringing her phone countless times. That would be stupid considering that her phone is at the flat so Niall would be bound to notice when it rings once.

 

When she starts feeling sober again, she chugs the remaining beer and tears open the packaging of the cigs before pulling one out. She burps and lets out a breathy chuckle at the sound of it. She thinks she’s going insane. That would be quite the story if it were to happen.

 

Harry does end up lighting the cigarette and smoking it all the way through while she’s on her second beer. It’s starting to make her really woozy that she nearly drops the damn glass bottle.

 

-

 

Stumbling on her own feet she makes her way back home, completely unaware of what she’s even doing and it’s a miracle that she ends up on her doorstep. “Same old, same old.” She mumbles under her breath, eyelids heavy.

 

Swaying sluggishly she raises an arm to knock at the door but instead her entire body slumps against the pine wood of the door with a loud bang. It makes her giggle and she cups her mouth with her palm, big enough to cover half of her face.

 

The door opens so suddenly that leaning against the door causes Harry to lose her footing and fall straight and very likely face flat on the floor. But she doesn’t. Arms wrap around her upper body and she is heaved to her feet. There’s a grunt and a huff and the person keeps Harry in place by not letting go. “Niall!” Harry drawls, grinning so widely at the sight of the blonde girl. She rubs her hand over Niall’s face and the girl looks absolutely wide eyed and appalled. Harry giggles, the sound coming out in little bursts but she doesn’t stifle them this time, rubbing her hand over and over Niall’s face as if it is something she’s fascinated by.

 

“Harry? Where have you been? I was fucking worried.” Niall is so confused, mad and there’s a hint of worry in her tone, “What happened? Why are you like this?” but then she happens to sniff the strong smell of beer and the tinge of smoke and she pulls her face away, cringing and making a disgusted face.

 

“You don’t like?” Harry asks shaking her head from side to side and still smiling like a goof. She’s so drunk.

 

“Harry you’re drunk” Niall says as if that wasn’t already obvious.

 

“I am?” She asks sounding like a child in that moment and Niall sighs.

 

“Yes you are. Come inside.” When Harry makes no move to do so, Niall simply pulls her inside, keeping a firm hold on her.

 

Harry wraps her arms around the girl, giggling nonstop and fluttering her eyes close then opening them again. “I feel funny.” She says.

 

“Of course you feel funny.” Niall snorts, lugging her heavy body over to the sofa, “How many beers did you even drink?”

 

Harry lies haphazardly on the sofa, legs thrown in two different directions as Niall stands before her, hands on her hips. She holds up two fingers, looks at them weirdly as if trying to make sense of what they are, laughs and says, “Two.” Then she makes a high pitched voice similar to the mice in Cinderella and starts singing the work song from the cartoon.

 

Niall scrubs a hand over her face when she realizes that she is probably smearing her light make up. “Haz, gosh you’re never like this at six in the evening. I swear I’ll kill Louis if I ever see her again.” But Harry only laughs as she sings, unaffected by what Niall had just said because she’s too preoccupied by the designs on the sofa cushion she had come across. Niall sits beside her, pulling Harry’s legs onto her lap and Harry prods at Niall’s arm with her big toe, eyes crinkling. “Well at least you’re having fun instead of mourning.”

 

They stay like that for almost ten minutes, Harry singing off key and mumbling in between as she traces and pulls at the threads on the cushion, and Niall with her head resting on the back of the sofa, possibly pissed but amused by Harry’s childish antics. “Hungry.” Harry cites halfway through without even looking up. Niall moves to grab her mobile from the table which draws Harry’s attention. She watches Niall dial a number and then seconds later speak into the phone.

 

“Hey Li!” She greets and some part of Harry’s brain registers that it’s one of their friends though she can’t clearly recall who it could be. “Well yes. No but I’ve got a situation here and yes it would be most helpful if you could come over with some food or something. I don’t care if you bring your fridge full of healthy food just get your arse over here with something to eat and make it fast.”

 

“Don’t be a meanie.” Harry says when she taps Niall on the shoulder and the girl turns to look at her, “Not nice.”

 

“Li I’m really going to die of cuteness overload here. Bring yourself. I don’t mind Sophie. Bring the entire clan if you please. Yeah. Okay, bye.” Niall switches off her phone and turns to face Harry, “Liam’s on her way with some food for you.”

 

“She’s nice.” Harry simply says.

 

“Duh.” Niall rolls her eyes, “You’re too hazed to even think properly but I’m liking this nice version of yourself.”

 

“I’m always nice.”

 

“Not when it comes to certain things. I’m gonna go get a drink.” She deposits Harry’s legs onto the sofa and disappears into the kitchen. Harry can hear the clang when she opens the fridge door and the popping of a tab.

 

 

Almost a lifetime passes before there’s a knock on the door and Harry’s on the brink of falling asleep whether from exhaustion or the beer she can barely even tell. Niall gets to the door as quick as lightening, throwing herself at Liam and mumbling a “Thanks for coming. I’m fucking worried.”

 

“What’s there to worry about?” Liam asks cluelessly.

 

“It’s Haz. She’s bloody drunk and smells of cigs and is acting all cutesy like she gets when she’s drunk.” Niall gestures dramatically while Harry groans on the sofa, annoyed by the loud voices that are starting to give her a headache.

 

“Louis then?” Liam sighs, getting inside and toeing off her shoes, “I thought she was getting better after the trip to her mom’s.”

 

“Yeah.” Niall replies, crossing her arms, “But what I’m worried about is the smoking.”

 

Liam looks at her confused but then arches her eyebrows as if she’s just realized the dilemma. Harry had stopped smoking months before graduating from high school so it had to be something of a really big problem for her start up again. “Here.” Liam hands Niall a plastic bag, “There’s some take out in it. I’ll check on Haz.”

 

Niall nods and Liam approaches the couch, cautiously placing a hand on Harry’s shoulder so as not to startle her but Harry simply blinks her eyes up at the girl and gives her a faint smile. “I’ve got a really fucking bad headache.”

 

“She’s sobering up.” Liam calls out and Harry slaps her.

 

“Stop shouting. Let me nap.”

 

“Okay.” Liam pats her, “We’ll be here when you wake up.”

 

Harry grunts an incoherent response and turns over, burying her face into the cushions.

 

“Well she’s out.” Liam announces, “I’m gonna put something for us to watch.”

 

-

 

Harry wakes up to the blaring sound of a movie and a thundering headache, completely sober yet feeling the dregs of the alcohol alive. Her mouth tastes so bitter and she cringes, turning to see who’s around.

 

“Shut that bloody tv off!” She groans, pulling a cushion over her head so it comes out muffled, “Or turn down the volume!”

 

“We have some Chinese if you wanna eat.” She feels a prod on her shoulder and she assumes it’s Niall considering she’s the one who’s talking, “Have some water before you do though.”

 

Giving up, Harry emerges from her pit of darkness, throwing her legs off the sofa and blinking her eyes to adjust to the light in the room. “Fuck.” She mumbles and scrubs at her eyes, “I really did take it too far.”

 

“You did.” Niall agrees without hesitation but she’s standing in front of Harry with a cool glass of water so she doesn’t snap at the blonde.

 

“Thanks.” Harry gets up and walks into the kitchen without a backward glance, drops the empty glass into the sink and leans back against the counter. She sighs in exasperation, pulling at her hair that’s hanging off to the side. Her mouth still tastes sour and she smells the smoke on herself. Curious to know how many cigs she had burnt off, she decides to head back to the hall, grab the packet and take a shower.

 

But when she enters the room, her eyes don’t see the damn packet anywhere and she vaguely remembers having it in her trouser pocket. It’s not there anymore except for the packs of gum. The girls are looking at her as she pats at her pockets so she gives them a glare. “Where’s my cigs?”Niall bites her lip and Liam turns away, scratching at her neck. All signs of nervousness. “Stop stalling guys.” Harry finally says irritated, “I won’t smoke. Promise.” A brief silence encompasses them except for the lowered movie.

 

“In the cabinet.” Niall finally points at the wall cabinet that is to Harry’s right. “I’m trusting you.”

 

Harry grumbles but doesn’t say anything out loud. She grabs the packet, nods at the girls and heads into her bedroom. Her eyes look worn and heavy, crater like bags around them when she looks in the mirror and her entire face looks swollen similar to her pink lips that are completely dry and scabbing off. She sighs and goes back to lock the bedroom door before she throws the pack of cigs onto the dresser and undresses in the washroom while the bath runs.

 

She throws in a bath bomb, lights a candle because she fucking can and relaxes back surrounded by the warm water and the smell of apples. Even merged in water and resting her head against the ceramic tub, all she can think of is _her_ touch, _her_ laughter, _her_ voice and it’s irritating Harry because she simply can’t manage to get Louis out of her damn fucking mind! She bites her lip so hard that she tastes copper on her tongue which puts her off. Harry just want some peace, some quiet. Nothing to see behind her closed eyes, no voice to be heard, no thoughts swirling and is that too much to ask for?

 

She literally wants to scream right then and there, pull out her vocal chords and fling them across the room or scrape her nails on the tiles. She wants to do something because it’s getting on her nerves. She doesn’t want to see Louis in her mind anymore. It hurts! It really really hurts so deep and raw within her and she can’t even soothe it. She had drunk and smoked to forget and they barely even did her justice!

 

Biting her lips and tearing the skin off her fingers when she bites at her nails, gritting her teeth and pressing her toes harshly against the bathtub, she finally calms down to take long, deep breathes.

 

She breathes in and breathes out, repeating it over and over again until it becomes a mantra in her mind with her eyes shut tight. Harry can feel her chest heaving and it reminds her of Louis’ chest heaving beneath her. “Fuck!” She groans, furiously scrubbing at her eyes, “Shit!”

 

The mix of hot emotions ribbing at her fades into nothing. It’s the feeling that captures someone when they go through the effects of emotional pain, numbness. And she cries which should be good because she’s not hurting herself physically which would have freaked out the others. She curls in on herself, wrapping her arms around her legs against her chest and sobs so wretchedly that her entire world falls apart around her. She doesn’t care for anything or anyone in that moment but how disconnected and cracked she feels all over.

 

Harry’s skin prickles as if something is desperately trying to rip through but it’s just how she’s feeling and the tickle of the small splash of waves of water when she moves. “Fuck you.” She mutters under her breath, cursing at Louis, cursing for putting her in this position but she knows she can’t really blame the girl. She’s simply just lost with nowhere to turn and not an inkling of an idea if she would ever see the light again.

 

Eyes shut tight so she would not be able to see her surroundings; she relaxes enough to pull back and slowly, calmly lies down in the water. She holds her breath under, feeling the water all around her; somehow in some way it relaxes her. She’s done this before, many a time, a way to ease her rapidly running mind. It works sluggishly but she’s good at holding her breath for a long time considering she used to be the star swimmer back in high school.

 

-

 

Harry must have been in the bathroom for too long when there’s rapid knocking on the door. “Haz?” It’s a worried yet tentative call. And there goes another three knocks.

 

She groans and gets out of the water. “I’m coming. Gimme a sec.” She unplugs the bath, letting it drain as she towels herself down and ties her hair into a small bun. Checking herself in the mirror to make sure her face or eyes don’t look as sunken as they were before, she opens the door. “Hey.”

 

Liam smiles and pulls Harry into her embrace. She goes into it with an _oof_ but wraps her arms around Liam because Liam can be an emotional shit sometimes and worried as fuck so the only way to ease Liam was to indulge her doting self and let her know that whatever or whoever she’s worried about is okay. “I’m fine Li. I was only having a bath.”

 

“Is that so?” Liam asks when they pull back, giving her a suspicious look, “If I remember correctly baths don’t last for hours on end.”

 

“Shut up.” Harry faintly slaps at her and walks to the cupboard to pick something comfortable to wear. Luckily for her, the cigs have not been touched. She hates it when others pry with her stuff when she has clearly asked them not to. It makes her feel grateful that her group of friends understand her boundaries.

 

Liam doesn’t leave her in the sense that she doesn’t even step outside the bedroom the entire time Harry gets dressed unabashedly and combs her wet hair. She doesn’t blow dry it, never have, it fucks up the texture of the strands. She sits beside Liam on the bed, towel thrown over the back of a wooden chair. She picks up the discarded cigarettes, toying with the packet in her hands and Liam gets up to fix the carelessly throw towel.

 

“What is it Li?” Harry asks, getting straight to the point, too tired and annoyed to wait for hints and subtlety.

 

Liam doesn’t even spare her a glance and by now Harry knows she’s fidgeting with the towel from the way she keeps arranging and rearranging it. “What makes you think there’s something? I didn’t say anything.”

 

She doesn’t have time for this, honestly! “First of all, you’ve been here the whole time, following my tail like a lost puppy and now you’re fucking fumbling with my towel. And I’m your damn friend; I know when you’ve got something at the back of your throat, just barely holding it there. So get out with it so I can go to sleep.”

 

The girl abruptly turns to face her and there is a fierceness in her eyes that Harry hadn’t seen earlier. She doesn’t know whether it was what she said or it had to do with whatever Liam’s been dying to say. “That’s exactly the point isn’t it?” Liam bursts. Harry’s eyes drift to where she’s clenching her fists by her side but Harry is taken aback at the same time because what?

 

“What?”

 

“You.” Liam points a finger at her but Harry can’t even feel offended right now, “You’ve kept us fucking worried for days and you don’t even have the decency to tell us how you’re actually doing.” Harry gapes, unable to form the appropriate sentences for the thoughts that are running wild in her head. “Niall is wearing down to her core from the amount of distress she is going through. Have you even noticed?!” Liam’s tone turns from exasperation to low fury. “Zayn’s fucking worried about Niall and she’s going to throttle you one of these days.”

 

Harry simply fish mouths and Liam is on the very brink of possibly dashing something on the floor and that would only spike Harry’s emotive hormones and she doesn’t want to cry right now, not ever again, hopefully. “I…” She begins, searching for the right words, “I didn’t know.” It’s soft and sounds almost broken compared to when she was annoyed only a few minutes ago. “Where is she now?”

                       

“She’s on the phone to Zayn.” Liam lightens up when she sees the look on the girl’s face, possibly realizing how harsh she had been. “You didn’t know?”

                       

Harry doesn’t let her speak another word, holding out a hand, palm outwards. “But it’s not my fault you’re all worrying your arses off. I said I was okay, I was fine and I meant it. I didn’t ask for you all to keep wondering!”

                       

Liam scoffs and Harry knows she’s being a little shit right now especially when the girls have only her best interests at heart. And gosh, has she really put Niall in such a disastrous situation? How had she not noticed? Fuck! She hopes the girl doesn’t break rest too, that’d only cause her to feel guilty and she’s already beginning to feel it and it’s not a pleasant feeling at all. “Really now? You expect me to believe it when you say you’re doing fine?” Harry rolls her eyes. Of course she’s not telling the truth. She would only cause more worry between her group of friends. “Did you know that people often going through a traumatic time tend to reassure others time and time again that they’re okay?! Of course I don’t fucking believe that you’re fine at all. You were in the bathroom for God knows how long and I was calling your name over and over again. What do you think would run through my mind then?”

                       

Wait, Liam was outside the bathroom for so long? And Harry hadn’t even heard her name being called. _Oh of course!_ “What?!” Harry gawks, “I didn’t know you were outside okay, I was in the water, how the fuck can I hear things in the wa—“Her eyes grow wide when Liam’s jaw drops open. _Oh fuck!_

                       

She watches with bated breath as Liam squeezes her eyes shut and scrubs them with her fingers. The girl grits her teeth and takes a deep breath. “Now you see why I don’t believe a word that comes out of your mouth at times like this.” Well yeah, but that wasn’t actually what Harry was doing and explaining that to Liam is going to take a lifetime and she really wouldn’t have time either because Liam has decided to walk out of the room. “Talk to Niall okay? Promise?” She asks and it is with such pleading.

                       

Harry nods, looking down and biting her lip, eyes trained on the brand of the cigs. “Okay. Yeah.”

                       

“I love you Haz.” There’s arms thrown around her suddenly and she gives into it because God knows she needs the kindness right now. “We all love you. Please keep that in mind.”

                       

“I will.” Harry gives her a weak smile and pats her on the back when they pull away.

                       

-

 

The thing is, Harry can be as obstinate as much she wants when she wants to be and that includes hiding away from Niall, not physically of course, just acting as if everything is perfectly fine with her. She tries to get back to herself, to being funny and smiling like there’s no worse trouble in the world. It’s hard. Of course it’s fucking hard when all she can think of is someone else at the back of her mind and the heavy feeling weighing down her heart. She believes Niall is buying her act because she doesn’t bother her with too many calls and texts.

                       

Niall does visit her more often but lesser than before and brings meals so they can eat together, just the two of them or sometimes when the whole bunch of them comes over for a night at Harry’s. And Harry is grateful really, even grateful when Niall texts her to say she’s with Zayn or wherever the fuck she is and simply to phone her if Harry needs her. But she never asks Niall for her help, sends a thank you but that’s about it.

                       

When someone lies, they need a hundred more lies to cover up that simple lie they created and things get fucked up after that, eventually revealing the truth. Just like that, Harry gets confronted four days later. She kept it up for four bloody days and gosh how could she have fucked it up? She pinches the bridge of her nose in defeat and frustration. It’s going to be a long day and not a pleasant one either.

                       

Liam had phoned her the morning before, asking her if she’s doing alright and she wasn’t exactly doing wonderfully but she was making do and so confided in Liam with that bit of information because she believed she at least owed that to the girl. Liam then proceeded to ask her if she’d spoken to Niall and fucking hell she hadn’t, she didn’t want to by any chance which literally angered Liam but the girl was keeping it down, Harry could tell.

                       

“You know you owe that to Ni right?”

                       

“Fuck Liam, I know!” Harry grunted, “I know okay. I’m fucking conflicted. I’ll sort it out.”

                       

Liam only hums, wishes her well, tells her to text her if there’s anything and hangs up.

                       

And now Niall is sitting on her couch, arms crossed and bearing Harry with the most intense glare Niall could muster, lips pursed and eyes narrowed. It should be scary but Niall’s been her best friend for as long as she can remember and her anger is ever so rare to deter her.

                       

Harry doesn’t say anything either, simply stares right back at Niall but her heart is hammering against her chest and she keeps squeezing her toes where they are tucked under her bum. She knows Niall is expecting her to say something but really, what is she supposed to say when there could be a million reasons as to why the blonde is sitting right in front of her fuming? It could even be Zayn and if it is, Harry is being a prat when she should be fucking concerned.

                       

“What’s the matter?” She finally asks, edging a little away from Niall, just in case.

                       

The girl tries to relax, as much as Harry notices that is, she leans back against the sofa and brings her feet up to fold on the sofa. “Liam told me something.”

                       

Oh. So this has to do with Liam which technically and very precisely has to do with Harry. _Shit!_ “What did she tell you?” Harry questions, innocently.

                       

“About you.” Niall replies, “I admire you being strong or as far as I can tell acting like you’re strong and doing well and then leaving me in the dark. I know very clearly that I can’t ask from you if you don’t want to say anything but I’ve been your fucking best friend for so long and I care so much for you so I’m going to fucking ask you and you’re going to tell me everything. Did you get me?”

                       

Harry gulps, stares at the girl for a moment and slowly shakes her head. “Okay. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I know it’s wrong of me but I didn’t see it worth the worry.”

                       

“I found your cigs yesterday when I came over.” Harry’s eyes grow wide, “They are fucking half empty. Half empty!!! And only in one day!”

                       

“You check it every day?”

                       

“Of course I fucking do! You stopped smoking, and then you take it up again after you lost Louis and you expect me to be okay with it?”

                       

“No.” Harry whispers because she understands the concern. She was exactly the same when Gemma was in a sordid state. She used to make sure she was okay, almost every day and kept an eye on her sister like a hawk.

                       

“Exactly.” Niall tightens her lips, “I didn’t know what to do and the only best option was to go with Liam. I spoke to her and she told me about how you weren’t actually doing well and has been acting all along. I knew something was up. You aren’t exactly a good liar.” Harry gets a pointed look, one that holds so much betrayal, “She also happened to mention to me something about a bath and how you were almost going to-“

                       

Harry jumps in because _fuck no!_ She can’t let Niall get the wrong impression. “No!” Niall’s looks startled by her intrusion. “That’s not what happened. Liam was the one who thought it and I didn’t bother explaining to her what it actually was.”

                       

“Then you might want to explain to me at least.”

                       

“Yes.” She takes in a deep exhale, “It sort of acts as my coping mechanism. I wasn’t trying to drown or anything. That would be extremely dramatic.”

                       

“It would.”

                       

Harry grits her teeth but at least Niall is trying to understand. “I would fill up the bath and go under water. I used to do that all the time. No one knew because I was aware they’d get the wrong impression.”

                       

“It seems believable since I know you used to swim back in school.”

                       

“Yeah but that’s the tale to the bath thing.”

                       

They sit in silence for a few seconds before Niall stands up and heads into the kitchen. Harry can hear the clanking of ceramic and the metal of a spoon. Niall comes back with two mugs of hot tea and hands one to Harry who takes it with a thankful nod.

                       

“Look,” Niall begins after a long pause, “I know it might be a bit hard for you right now but I’m not going anywhere. I’ve been by your side for years and it does not mean that I would up and leave right now if you were to spill everything on your mind. Maybe there’s literally nothing on your mind but excessive feelings and that’s okay too. I only want you to let it all out. It would make it so much easier for you and for me. I could get on lightly knowing that you’re not okay but that I would be there for you and trusting you to come to me.”

                       

Harry’s chest tightens because how could Niall be so kind when all she had ever done was lie and lie and given her the benefit of the doubt? And she owes her this doesn’t she? She does and she doesn’t think she could handle it much longer.

                       

Apparently Niall knows because she places her mug on the coffee table and opens her arms out to Harry, a soft smile gracing her face. Harry falls into her arms a few seconds later, craving too much for some love to resist it. She feels so warm and wanted and loved in Niall’s arms that the tears naturally flow without thought. She nuzzles into the girl’s chest and lets out a pained whimper for she sees blue eyes behind her lids and feels the arms of a concerned friend around her.

                       

“I’m sorry.” She gasps a muffled apology into Niall’s grey jumper, “I am so sorry.”

                       

“It’s okay.” Niall whispers and presses a kiss into her hair, “Let it out Haz. We all have our days.”

                       

“I miss her.” She feels Niall nodding against her head, “So much.”

                       

“Haz-“

                       

“I know.” Harry cuts her off, sniffling, “I know Ni. I tried, I truly did and I thought that she was finally leaving me alone when I was having a better time with my family but it wouldn’t stop when I got back. Some things remind me of her and I never stop seeing those oceanic eyes of hers.” She can hear the girl sigh but it only makes her sniffle and sob all the more, “I have no idea what to do and I know time heals but it hasn’t and I don’t expect it to. I’ve never felt this lost before. Somehow, someway her touch felt more secure than anything in my entire life.” She clings tighter to Niall as she thinks of the rest of the words her tongue is making her mutter between ugly sobs, “Having lost her feels like she’s sort of left earth and it makes me fucking scared for no reason.”

                       

“Oh sweetie.” Niall sounds so sad, sympathetic and right then Harry doesn’t know if she prefers sympathy over understanding. Niall’s here though. It might not be Louis but her best friend is here and that should be enough.

                       

“Louis is all I can think of. It’s starting to make me crumble like pastry.” The last part should be funny, would have made them cackle another time but neither of them do. Heartbreak is scenting the air too much to relieve in humour.

                       

Harry doesn’t say anything more, shuts her eyes tight, shying away from daylight and digging her nails into Niall’s arms. The girl doesn’t mind. She cards her fingers through Harry’s loose curls and hums under her breath, hugging her just as tight.

                       

“You have to eventually stop thinking that the world has stopped turning H. Lou’s gone. She left and now you have to act like she left. It’s the most sensible thing to do.” Niall gently tells her, “Louis is probably moving on with her life right now and you need to do the same thing instead of being stuck in time. Don’t you think you need to move on? Don’t you think you deserve to be happy again?”

                       

And does she? It’s never crossed her mind before. Of course she’s wanted to be happy again instead of feeling that constricting pain in her heart but every time she thought about happiness, Louis’ been in the picture. Niall nudges her, asking for an answer. It shakes Harry out of her thoughts and her mouth goes dry because what does she say?

                       

“H?”

                       

“I guess so.”

                       

Niall’s tone goes into one of confusion. “What do you mean by that?”

                       

“I think I love her.” It’s an admission so covert, had been tucked in her mind so carefully and clutched within the folds of her heart. She doesn’t ever remember acknowledging it but she remembers thinking of how much she wanted the girl by her side till the end of time if ever. And now it’s out, in the open, probably echoing in the ears of her best friend and Harry had not even taken time to absorb the truth. Fuck, she loves Louis! How? It’s been only such a short time and she’s confessing to have fallen for a girl who had left her behind.

 

She feels Niall’s arms tremble around her and her speech falters. “W-what?”

                       

Harry looks up, loosening her grip on Niall. Her eyes are obviously swollen and red. She doesn’t want to repeat it and she hopes Niall gets it. “Ni…”

                       

“I heard.” The girl admits, “I just…”

                       

“Didn’t think it was possible?” Niall shakes her head in agreement. “Me too.” Harry admits with a sigh and tucks her head back. It’s getting stuffy and her nose is running but she can’t give a damn. “I thought it was too fast but I think it’s real.”

                       

“I shouldn’t have said all that.”

                       

“You had no idea.”

                       

“But I’m still not taking it back. She left you like this and you need to move on eventually as sad as that might sound. I’m not going to watch my best friend disintegrate right in front of my eyes.”

                       

“I’m human, not wood.” Harry mumbles feeling the heaviness of her lids.

                       

"I meant it metaphorically.”

                       

“Yeah, yeah.” Harry waves a hand in nonchalance, too tired to even keep raising it for long, phone ringing somewhere, “Go answer your phone.” Niall is gone in seconds, voice trailing from the back door, all pet names and sweet murmurs falling from her mouth. It makes Harry want to pretend to vomit in front of her but at the same time it makes her smile fondly at the thought of Niall and Zayn. What a sweet couple, matching and flawed in their own ways but still making it work because two hearts will always find their way back to each other. And just like that Louis pops into her mind.

                       

Sighing she gets off the sofa and walks into her bedroom that is pitched in darkness for the curtains are drawn, letting only the shade of the evening sun peek in. She plops onto the soft bedding and crawls under the duvet, pulling it almost over her head so that she looks like a kitten hiding in a box. Her back is towards the window since she doesn’t want to see the sunlight instead facing the blank wall just like her very own soul. She sighs tiredly, bring a hand up to rub at her itchy nose then finds a discarded curl and starts coiling and uncoiling it with her fingers.

                       

“Tired?” Niall asks from the doorway and Harry shakes her head without even looking, not wanting to put in the extra effort to move.

                       

Niall crawls in beside her and Harry moves closer because it’s nice to feel the warmth of someone else, to not feel lonely. “We could watch something before nodding off.”

                       

“Okay.”

                       

She feels the girl shuffle beside her and then there’s the ping sound of the laptop switching on. She turns so that she’s on her back and heaves herself to be half lying, half sitting against the headboard. Niall places the laptop on their thighs and pulls Harry closer to her.

                       

They watch the Wizard of Oz and Harry only manages to get through half of it before she falls asleep, curling up into Niall minutes later.

                       

-

                       

When her eyes blink open and takes in the room filled with the morning light, it’s to find that Niall is not beside her but the space is warm which means she’s somewhere around the house. Harry stifles a yawn and pads into the living space which is empty until she hears the running water in the washroom.                

                       

Niall has pulled the curtains aside and pushed the windows open that the entire house is flooded in sunlight and Harry feels like her eyes are going to burn. Still, she boils water to prepare the two of them some tea and raids the fridge to make some sort of breakfast as long as her hunger is quelled, she doesn’t care what she consumes.

                       

“Good morning!”

                       

“Morning.” Harry greets Niall, kicking the fridge door shut and depositing the food items on the counter. “You’re up early.”

                       

Niall hums. Harry watches her tip back the juice carton and take a mouthful. But as she ties her hair into a small bun, Niall speaks, screwing the carton lid on. “There’s something I need to speak to you about.”

                       

It piques Harry’s interest but also speaks in volumes as a danger zone. It’s never good to hear someone say they’ve got something to speak about or a question to ask. She tries to think back to the past few days if she’s done anything wrong or stepped out of line but her mind draws a blank. “Yeah, lemme just make the tea and something to eat.”

                       

Niall nods and takes a seat by the dining table, going through her phone. Harry cracks the eggs for two omelettes and puts some bread in the toaster. She finishes making the tea before the food, handing one to Niall and sipping her own.

                       

Breakfast plates in hand, the two of them seat on the sofa and Harry groans. “The sunlight is killing me.”

                       

“If you were a vampire that is.” Niall’s left hand is in a fist and Harry can only assume that she’s hiding something in it. Before Harry can even open her mouth to question it, Niall holds out her fist and slowly as Harry watches, produces a slip of paper. “I found this.”

                       

Harry takes in the square piece of yellow note paper eyes studying the contents before her jaw drops open. It’s a phone number in cursive writing with an _L_ at the end of it. “Wh—where did you—?”

                       

“Under the bed. It probably flew under due to a breeze or something or fell.” Niall replies before Harry completes her question, “So you know what this means?”

                       

“But—“Harry tries to say. Niall cuts her off with a severe look. “Okay.” Harry looks down, too many questions running around her head to look right into Niall’s eyes.

                       

But Niall places a gentle hand on her shoulder and coaxes her to look up at her. “Once I would have asked you to move on and I did. Now I’m asking you to take action.”

                       

“I don’t understand. I do but I sort of… I dunno. I’m shocked I guess.” Harry confesses, holding the piece of paper tight in her hand.

                       

“Louis was probably expecting a call from you or anything of the sort but when you didn’t, she must have realized that maybe you weren’t looking for all that, you know.” Niall says, “But the thing was you never did see the paper so you couldn’t call her.” Harry gapes at her, too confound to comprehend what’s happening. “It all makes sense now.” She continues, “All the times Zayn used to rant about Louis not being her usual self.”

                       

“What?”

                       

“Yes.” Niall nods, “Zayn thought it had to do something with you two and she was right in a certain sense.”

                       

Moments later, “I have to mend this then.” Harry looks past Niall at the white wall, colours dancing in her vision. All sorts of ideas cluster her mind and she feels butterflies in her stomach. It’s odd because she doesn’t even know if this will work, if Louis would understand but she has to try. Niall’s grip on her is keeping her grounded, is making her understand and right now all she wants to do is run to Louis.

                       

The blonde stares at her for a few seconds and Harry stares back just as hard but with the turmoil of thoughts carrying her to a different place. “I know but you simply can’t run off right now. Give it some time. Maybe try calling her first.”

                       

She fiddles with the piece of paper instead, working her jaw in nervousness because of the uncertainness she feels about phoning Louis. It’s a possibility that she might not pick up. Before either of them could say or do anything, Harry’s phone is ringing loud and clear across the room. She groans, gives Niall a look, and grabs the device. Liam’s face flashes across the screen, the one they had once taken at a fair, dark around the edges. “Yeah?”

                       

“Hey to you too.” The sarcasm filters through.

                       

“Sorry,” Harry jolts her head in hopes of getting rid of the unsettled emotions and thoughts trickling all over her, “What is it?” Niall is giving her a look from the other side of the sofa, mug held deftly between her fingers.

                       

“You busy or something?”

                       

“No but I have something to tell you. Niall’s here too.”

                       

“Do you want me to come over?” Liam’s tone has turned serious and Harry can imagine her sitting upright in her seat.

                       

“That’s not necessary either but I spoke to Niall and um—” Niall snatches the phone out of her hand.

                       

“We might have found the solution to Harry’s love life.”

                       

Harry groans, throwing herself onto the sofa, her hair flying about as she does so. “You are so insufferable and this time I meant it.” She watches Niall explaining the situation to Liam before hauling herself off the sofa and heading to the bedroom. She decides to have a shower and then plan on making a trip to Louis’ flat; that is if her phone calls get rejected.

                       

She returns to find Niall sprawled over the loveseat, mug empty, TV shouting, and the box of lucky charms sitting on her stomach, remnants everywhere. “That took you long.” She points a finger at Harry, eyes locked on her from where her head is thrown back on the arm rest.

                       

Harry picks up her phone as Niall goes back to munching and watching the TV show. She dials the number from the paper onto her phone, her thumb hovering over the call button.

                       

“Just do it.” Niall kicks her shin, eyes still on the television.

                       

This is her last chance, well technically no but this is the least embarrassing way to do it so taking a huge fucking breath, she hits the green button and slowly lifts the device to her ear. She can hear it ringing, hears her own heart racing, feels her muscles tighten and she’s pretty sure she’s going to empty her stomach right then.

                       

Three rings, four, she cuts it. Louis doesn’t pick up. She tries again because desperation is starting to settle in. She lets it ring six times before she cuts it and there’s still no fucking answer. “Hell.” She curses under her breath as she tries again, whispering nonsensical prayers in hopes that the girl would finally pick up the phone. It goes unanswered again.

                       

“One more try.” Niall’s voice soothes her and she does try but when it goes unaccepted, she flings her phone at the sofa, which bounces and lands unharmed.

                       

“Fucking hell!!” She combs her fingers through her hair, turning it into a messy nest. When the other in the room only remains quiet, she huffs in anger, pulling the strands of her hair. “I’m going.”

                       

“Okay.” Niall replies. It’s so simple, such a short reply but holds so much faith as if she believes it’s the only right thing Harry could do. “Be safe.”

                       

Harry rushes to put on her coat and pocket her phone and keys. “Love you. Text me Zayn’s flat number.” She calls out, as she slips on her shoes and shuts the flat door behind her with a loud bang. “Please let this go well.”

                       

Her scooter starts with a splutter after not being used for a while, she hadn’t been out much after all except for the time when she had gotten awfully drunk. The wind stings her face and her hands tremble on the handles. It’s with so much emotion boiling and boiling in the pits of her heart that she finally slows to a stop at the familiar buildings and tries to breathe normally, calmly. The ping of her mobile is a text from Niall, telling her that Zayn’s at the flat too. _Fuck!_ It’s going to be one hell of a ride.

                       

Running away from problems is always going to round right back. You reap what you sow and sometimes trying to patch up the things you either shattered or never noticed takes way longer and much pain than you anticipated it to be. Thanks to Niall, Harry has the flat number sitting in her inbox which she has memorized.

                       

She parks the scooter and jumps off of it, hurrying on her long legs towards the main door. She presses the buzzer and waits until a soft voice speaks through the intercom.

                       

The word _Lou_ is hanging on the edge of her tongue but it’s probably too soon to speak like that after such a long time. “Louis…” She pauses, biting her lower lip nervously, “It’s me Harry. I—” But the door opens before she can go on a long explanation rampage. Slightly smiling, she takes the elevator to the right flat and actually fucking stops a few feet away because…

                       

Louis is standing right there, her back towards Harry and she looks the same as ever. Short, curvy, and her hair is in a messy braid. But there’s a small brown travelling bag beside her and it makes Harry swallow, numb. Zayn’s right in front of Louis, squeezing her shoulder and muttering something inaudible but her eyes briefly flickers towards Harry and back.

                       

She’s…leaving.

                       

Harry feels so fucking stupid in that moment, and hurt and lost. She clenches her fist and tightens her jaw. The next moment Louis is hugging Zayn and hurrying towards the lift when she spots Harry. “Wh—here are you…where are you going?” Harry manages to get out, glancing back at Zayn who gives her a soft smile almost as if she understands.

                       

“Can’t explain right now.” Louis grunts as she gets into the lift, pulling the bag with her. Harry gets in too. “Too long.” Her voice rekindles a tamped fire in her.

                       

“What do you mean?” Harry tries, pleading, “Where are you going? You aren’t leaving are you?”

                       

Louis gives her an exasperated look, “Of course not! I’d need two more bags with me and a fuck ton of boxes.”

                       

“Then explain because I’m not leaving until we can talk.” Harry presses.

                       

Louis rubs her eyes and sighs dramatically. “My mum’s in labour. I don’t think it’s sensible for you to come right now. I’m taking a cab.”

                       

“Fuck the cab.” Harry grunts, leaning against the wall and looking upwards because looking at Louis right now is going to make her explode. “I’ll come in my scooter. Can you tell me where she is?”

 

Louis studies her in a way of contemplation, biting the fingernail on her pointer. Harry watches her eyes flit around uneasily. The lift stops and they step out. She follows Louis outside where there’s a yellow cab waiting for her and it’s now or never really.

                       

“Please.” It’s fucking desperate, begging, “Lou.”

                       

“Queen’s Hospital.” That’s all she says without even sparing her a glance, lets the driver put her bag into the backseat and gets into the car.

                       

Harry watches her leave the premises, a silent blur. Without wasting a moment more, she puts the scooter into gear and races in the direction of the hospital.

                       

-

                       

When Harry arrives at the hospital, Louis is nowhere in sight. The receptionist at the front desk is busy and has a look of annoyance so Harry decides to simply wait it out. She takes a seat beside a pregnant mother and picks up the magazine on the glass table.

                       

“Visiting someone?” The lady questions and Harry turns her head to see the weary mother smiling at her.

                       

She nods and smiles back because God knows what sort of a hard time the woman is going through. “Sort of, a friend’s mother actually. She’s in labour.”

                       

The woman’s eyes light up at the mention of it. “Oh? That must be wonderful.”

                       

“Yes.” Harry glances at the lady’s belly, wondering if it would deem comfortable to ask her.

                       

“I’m here for a check up.” The lady explains without Harry having to ask, “I’m having a baby girl.”

                       

Harry breaks out into a wide smile and sits alert in her seat. She puts down the magazine. “Awww. Do you mind if I—?” The woman nods and Harry places her hand on her belly, “Is she kicking yet?”

                       

“Countless times.” The lady laughs. Somehow talking about her child seems to evaporate the heavy look about her face. “She’s a right fighter. Never goes to sleep if I don’t sing.”

                       

“It must be lovely being a mother.”

                       

“To be.”

                       

“Yeah.” Harry chuckles.

                       

“So do you know the gender of your friend’s mother’s baby?”

                       

Harry shakes her head in shame, “No, not really. They chose to keep it a surprise.” It’s insane that she hadn’t known anything about Louis’ family. It makes her feel so embarrassed and uncaring.

                       

“It’s going to be a surprise for all of them then.”

                       

Harry laughs humourlessly. _Not exactly_. “How far along are you?”

                       

“A good six months.” The woman smiles and strokes her swollen stomach, smiling down at it as if she’s actually looking at her child. “I am conflicted in picking out a name.”

                       

Her heart grows warm. She loves babies so much. It’s a pity her mother has had only her and Gems, it’d be lovely to have a younger sibling. She wonders if Louis and the new baby are the only kids in the family. “You could try picking your favourite three and putting them as first and middle names.”

                       

“That’s quite clever.” The lady agrees. She sees a nurse approaching them and beckon to the lady.

                       

“Ms. Walter?” The lady nods, mouths _good luck_ to Harry and follows the nurse. It’s a small pang really at having heard the word Miss instead of Mrs. Harry can’t imagine what a life the lady is living, it must be so much worse but it could be wonderful too. Maybe the father of her child was a good man or something. Maybe her loved ones are looking after her.

                       

Harry entertains herself by leafing through a _mother and baby_ magazine until she sees someone running frantically. The familiar clothing and features has her standing up and hurrying towards the girl. Louis’ hair is a mess and her eyes are wild as she looks about her with a worry that has Harry’s heart pounding. What could have gone wrong? Louis’ carding her fingers through her tangled hair when Harry reaches her and wraps her fingers around Louis’ wrist. It startles the girl and her eyes land on Harry; they’ve lost the touch of blue, hinting on a mild grey.

                       

“You came.” It’s a breathless whisper of surprise and relief. Yet Louis looks on the verge of breaking down and Harry can’t have that. Seeing Louis look so lost right now is more than she can take.

                       

“I did.” Harry whispers back and she can see the plea behind Louis’ eyes. She holds out her hands to the girl and with a soft smile beckons her. Louis stands there as if trying to understand why Harry’s doing it but she doesn’t waste any time in hugging her back. She sobs quietly into Harry’s blouse and Harry raises a hand to stroke her head. “It’s okay.” She whispers even though she has no idea what’s really going on.

                       

“It’s my mum.” Louis says in ragged breaths, crying so much that Harry feels like her heart is going to crack open. It’s such an painful and sad sound. “She’s going into labour too early.”

                       

Harry can only breathe deeply and coax the crying girl to do the same. “Pre mature baby then.” She’s saying it to herself but Louis hears it and nods into her body. “She might be alright.”

                      

“Babies.” Louis tells her. Harry can feel her fingernails digging into her skin. “I don’t know. I’m so afraid. I’m so afraid for my mother Haz.”

                       

“Shhhh, I know.” Harry tries soothing, slowly moving backwards towards the chairs, “But I am positive that your mum will be okay and so will we. Louis sits beside Harry without any trouble, hiding her face in the crevice of Harry’s neck and is almost half on top of Harry by the way she’s curling herself around Harry.

                       

-

                       

They sit quietly and patiently in the waiting room, surrounded by the sights and sounds of a typical hospital, It smells clean, of cleaning agents and Harry’s thankful for that. She’s been to many and some of them smell so bad that has her wanting to leave within minutes of arrival. Louis doesn’t remove herself from Harry but she has stopped crying, instead playing with a coin, and they’ve been getting fond looks from passerby’s the whole time. Harry hopes Louis’ mum and the twins would be okay and keeps repeating it like a mantra in her head. She doesn’t know what she would do if something goes wrong and Louis loses herself completely. Harry would lose herself too, she’s sure.

                       

Forty five minutes of sitting on a waiting chair with another body to hold, a nurse finally comes to them, a clipboard in hand. “Which of you is here for Johannah Deakin?” The nurse asks and Louis groggily looks up, one hand still wrapped around Harry’s waist.

                       

“I am.” She says and the nurse signals for her to follow her. “Can my friend come too?” It’s painful to hear her refer to Harry as a friend but at the same time she’s surprised and thankful Louis even wants her nearby.

                       

The nurse eyes Harry for a second. “Alright. Please follow me. You should know that your mother and the babies are doing well.” It’s a relief; Harry can see the sagging of Louis’ shoulders. They follow the nurse all the way to the ward that holds Louis’ mum and siblings. They don’t let go of each other the whole time and Louis stands in front of the door, looking nervously at it. “Are you ready?” The nurse asks and when Louis nods shakily, she holds the door open for them.

                       

Harry stays behind, letting Louis enter the room in slow strides. She can hear and see them through the opening of the door as it slowly draws to a close. Johannah raises her head at the sight of Louis, a smile breaching a face. “Lou.” It’s an almost whisper and Harry can’t help herself from smiling.

                       

“Mum!” Louis rushes into her arms with a cry, “I was so worried and afraid.” Johannah kisses Louis’ forehead and mutters something that Harry can’t hear but from the looks of it, they’re reassuring each other. The door shuts with a click then, and Harry leans against the wall with a sigh. Everything seems well for now. She wonders if she should leave her place and go find something to do until the idea of getting all of them something to eat clicks together in her mind. She waits until the nurse leaves the room so she can let her know where she’s headed to.

                       

At the hospital cafeteria, she buys some jam buns and orange juice cartons. She also spends a few extra minutes on the phone to Niall, informing the girl of her location while she gets something to eat for herself. Louis and she have improved over a couple of hours, she’s proud to think so at least and even happier to be able to inform Niall of it.

                       

Harry gets back to the ward with the food, forty five minutes later. She cautiously pushes the door open to find Louis seated beside her mother, the two of them holding hands. She feels a bit sheepish intruding like this but Louis gives her a warm smile instantly. Louis’ mother does the same as soon as she steps into the room.

 

“This is my friend Harry.” Louis introduces, motioning her to come forward. Harry does, the sound of the plastic bag filling the room.

                       

“Hello Mrs. … Um Louis’ mum.” Fuck, she feels so stupid.

                       

“It’s Deakin dear and hello to you.” The lady lightly chuckles. She looks just as tired with bags under her eyes as the woman Harry had spoken to in the waiting room. “It’s nice to meet you. Thank you for accompanying my daughter.”

                       

“Not a problem Mrs. Deakin.” Harry replies meekly, taking a few more steps forward. “If you don’t mind, I brought food.”

                       

Johannah smiles brightly, “Thank you dear, that’s very kind of you and please call me Jay.” Harry only nods, proceeding to set the food and drinks on the table beside the bed.

 

“Thanks.” Louis looks up at her. Her face still seems to have traces of tears. Harry smiles softly and nods. They help Jay to sit up, setting up pillows against the headboard to support her back so she can comfortably eat.

 

“Where are the babies?” Harry can’t help asking after awhile.

 

“They’re in incubators.” Jay replies, taking a sip of her drink, “But in a few days, they’ll be ready to leave.”

 

“It’s a boy and a girl Haz.” Louis cuts in as if she wants to share that piece of happiness with Harry. It makes her feel important when Louis turns to her with a soft look to share the news.

 

“Really?” Harry feels enthusiastic. She looks to see Jay nodding, eyes crinkled just like her daughter’s. “Are they named yet?”

 

“Ernest and Doris.” Louis replies for her mother. The enthusiasm Harry feels is overwhelming.

 

“The rest of their siblings will be so happy to see them.” Jay says as Harry pulls up a chair to sit next to Louis. “I am eager myself to be looking after babies again. It’s been such a long time.” Harry watches as Jay raises a hand to gently caress her daughter’s cheek, a smile playing across her lips. She knows it’s that motherly look that even her mother gives both Gemma and her sometimes but Anne’s having empty nest syndrome unlike Jay. In addition, she realizes that Louis isn’t the only child after all like she had thought.

 

Harry sits quietly, taking small bites out of the jam bun while Louis and her mum makes conversation, sort of in their own bubble, unaware of Harry’s presence. And she doesn’t mind. It’s nice, actually, to finally be in Louis’ presence, to know a little bit more about the girl than she used to. The succession of a proper reconciliation between the two of them seems to have a much higher probability; it’s a calming thought to her.

 

-

 

Before they even know it, visiting time is over and it’s beginning to get dark, the sun slowly hiding away. Conversation between the three of them had gone so smoothly, Louis joking every now and then, something Harry had never witnessed before.

 

“I’ll be staying at home for a couple of days mum,” Louis says, pulling on her denim jacket, “Until you get back on your feet at least.”

 

“What about work dear? You can’t miss work.” Jay looks concerned.

 

“Don’t worry about it mum. I’ve got it covered. They’ll understand.”

 

“Okay. Alright. Be good and look after your sisters.” Louis moves forward when Jay beckons to her with her hands. She pulls Louis even closer and smacks a kiss upon her forehead making Louis cringe playfully.

 

“Love you mum. I’ll come by tomorrow.”

 

“With lunch.” Jay adds with a wink. Harry and Louis’ laughs intermingle when they laugh at that but they slowly back away to the door, waving one last time at a grinning Jay and walks out.

 

“Your mum’s nice.” Harry comments once they’re in the hallway, heading towards the lifts. Louis simply nods, locking her hands behind her back. “Why wasn’t your dad at the hospital?”

 

“Cause he’s not here.” Harry flinches a bit at the sharp tone of her voice, nothing at all like what she had sounded back in the ward, laughing and joking. All hopes of having a decent conversation with the girl, withers in Harry’s mind.

 

“Sorry,” Harry apologizes, looking at the floor. She bites her lower lip, wondering how much more she could actually fuck up. She notices the lines of the clean tiles and tries to mentally count the number of tiles in her mind. “I didn’t mean to pry.”

 

Louis sighs, the sound of it attracting Harry to look up. The girl massages her forehead tiredly, pushing the fallen strands back. “Don’t be sorry. It’s me who should be. I’m acting like a prick and you’ve been kind enough to accompany me during a haste and worrying time and I shouldn’t be taking out my irritation at you.” She looks at Harry, their eyes meeting for a brief moment. “Thank you for being with me. I really appreciate it.”

 

“You’re welcome.” Harry smiles, pausing for a moment to think before pressing on. “Are you—irritated because of me? It’s alright if you are. I understand. I didn’t know that you—“

 

“Can we you know—talk about this when we get home?” Louis stops her short, “I’m tired and I wanna put my legs up but I’m sure there’s a house full of girls to look after and put to bed. Perhaps over tea?”

 

Harry nods in understanding. “Sure. You want me to come with you?”

 

“Yes, I’d like that if you don’t mind.”

 

“I don’t. Just don’t want to intrude is all. I think I’ve done enough of that already.”

 

Louis doesn’t say anything in reply but Harry understands. It’s like she understands every little nod and move Louis makes. It’s like she’s trying too hard when there possibly might not be anything to try for. It’s defeating.

 

They pick up Louis’ luggage from the front desk where the friendly nurse had held onto for her. Harry’s bike is in the parking lot, still, thankfully but then she notices Louis at the curb in wait for a cab. “We can take my scooter.” Harry offers. Louis points to her luggage with a quirked brow. “I can keep it on the footrest.”

 

“You sure?”

 

“Trust me.” Harry grins, “We can manage. I won’t charge.” It gets a small chuckle out of the girl who stops it as instantly as she realizes.

 

They get onto the scooter and Harry manages to situate Louis’ travelling bag between her legs on the foot rest, Louis’ arms wrapping around her waist without hesitation this time.

 

Almost twenty minutes in towards their destination, Louis speaks and Harry’s quite glad. It fills the silence, one that had her insides rolling in turmoil and worry. “He’s actually my step dad.” Harry realizes she’s sort of continuing their conversation from back at the hospital, “He’s away on business, somewhere in Italy I think.”

 

“So your new baby siblings are his?”

 

“Yup.”

 

“What about the rest of your siblings?” Harry questions, unable to stop herself, “How are they staying at home all alone?”

 

“Charlotte’s old enough.” Louis explains, “She can look after the rest with Felicite, they’re the ones usually looking after everyone when mum works at the hospital.” She pauses for a bit, “But this time mum got a sitter to stay over.” Louis’ resigning sigh indicates it’s the end of the conversation. Harry understands the need to keep things private, mostly, and Harry’s not really that close to Louis she guesses to be freely speaking so much. She understands.

 

Yet it also could be the fact that Louis’ simply tired since her head keeps knocking against Harry’s shoulder, almost like she’s falling asleep but jerking awake at the last minute. It’s dangerous, they’re on the road, on a bike and the last time they rode together on the scooter was when Louis was sleepy too and this time Harry’s really feeling low and quite specifically heartbroken so she settles for squeezing the girl’s knee.

 

“Sorry.” Louis mumbles, “Fuck I’m tired.”

 

“I can see. Perhaps you can get some rest when you get home.”

 

“I hope so.”

 

-

 

They arrive at a one story mansion, painted in white. It’s even got a brick parapet running around the house and big black swing gates. It’s nothing like those countryside houses, rural, safe and appealing with a lot of neighbouring homes because that’s what Harry’s used to. Her parents home back in Chesire is homely and old fashioned. And this big house feels more like an extended version of Harry’s expensive flat.

 

Louis gets off the scooter to open the pedestrian gate by letting the machine on the wall scan her thumb. Harry pushes her scooter through the narrow gate and onto a bricked pathway in the middle of a beautifully mowed lawn. It’s big enough for children to run around in, flower beds decorating the place in rows. Jay’s done a lot of work to make the place look presentable.

 

“Come on in.” Louis calls out to her once she’s got the keys out of her pocket and unlocked the door. Harry follows her, taking her luggage with a pointed look. “Girls!” Louis yells, “Get your butts over here.” The inside is huge, like she expected it to be, decorated by skilful hands. Photo frames adorn the pale brown floral walls, expensive couches of red and velvet blue surround a round glass table and a chandelier hangs from the ceiling.

 

“Who’s the aristocrat now?” Harry snorts from behind Louis and the girl jabs at her rib and hisses, “Me step dad’s just rich.”

 

Harry gets distracted by the sound of feet pattering against the floor which echoes within the house along with sounds of voices and squeals.

 

And then there’s the loud outburst of exclamations from four girls, two little ones who look alike and two older looking ones. “Lou!” They exclaim together as one. Harry watches the wide smile colour Louis’ face at the sight of her sisters and she holds out her arms for them as they fling themselves upon her in seconds.

 

“Lou, oh my gosh! It’s been ever so long.” It sounds like the older blonde girl is sobbing into Louis’ shoulder.

 

The twin girls are uttering series of “Are you staying Lou?” over and over again and the brunette is simply holding onto Louis like her life depends on her. Louis holds them for a long time; arms wrapped tightly around them and nose digging into the blonde’s scalp.

 

When she pulls away, her eyes are wet and a quivering smile on her lips, the girls begin to notice Harry one by one. They all look at her strangely but say nothing, obviously waiting for Louis to say something. One of the twins pulls at Louis’ t-shirt, pulling her into reality. Thinking it’s time to lose the awkwardness, Harry toes off her shoes by the door and gives a small wave. “Hi.”

 

“Girls, this is Harry.” Louis waves a hand in Harry’s general direction while her eyes are on her sisters, “And Harry, this is Charlotte,” the blonde girl waves back with a warm smile, “Felicite and the twins Phoebe and Daisy.”

 

“And I bet you’re Phoebe.” Harry approaches one girl and crouches to her height. Their eyes grow wide at that, which tells Harry she guessed right. She pats the other girl’s head and goes, “And you’re Daisy.”

 

“How’d you guess that?” Louis asks with an eye roll. Harry stands up to give Charlotte and Felicite a hug.

 

“Guessed.”

 

“Thought you did magic.”

 

“Shut up.” Harry laughs, patting the two girls when she draws back.

 

Louis punches her lightly on the shoulder before addressing the girls. “You girls have dinner yet? And oh, where’s Molly?”

 

Charlotte flops onto the sofa, “She left half an hour ago, had some urgent work apparently.”

 

“Okay, alright.” Louis replies, pulling Harry along with her to the ornate kitchen, “I’m assuming no dinner then.”

 

“Nope.”

 

Louis paces the kitchen, biting at her fingernail with furrowed eyebrows. “I’ll have to order takeout.”

 

“I can cook something up. Something healthy and not take out.” She cuts Louis’ mumbles short. She looks up at Harry, mouthing.

 

“You sure? Cause like I don’t wanna—”

 

“It’s fine. Lemme check what you’ve got.” While Harry rummages through the fully stocked fridge and cupboards, it’s Felicite who enters the kitchen with a skip in her step to inquire about Jay. Louis’ putting a kettle of water to boil since she needs a cup of warm tea to properly function, Harry would much rather prefer a coffee.

 

She pays attention with one ear as she bustles about to prepare dinner with the available ingredients of some pasta, prosciutto and greens. Charlotte joins Louis and Felicite at the small round table in the kitchen not long after to hear about their new siblings, sneaking sips from Louis’ cup of tea. Harry does peep into the hallway once or twice just to make sure the twins are doing alright, where they’re watching a cartoon on the television.

 

“Can we go see them tomorrow?” Charlotte asks. Harry’s mashing up the potatoes, mash potatoes sounded like a good idea.

 

“I could ask her Lotts.” Louis replies, taking a sip of her tea, “Perhaps all of us could go there, get mum a good lunch cause that hospital food is nasty.”

 

“They were good actually.” Harry interrupts, “I had a salad in the canteen.”

 

“The patients food Haz.” Louis shakes her head at her with a smile, “Not canteen food.”

 

“Oh yeah, right.” Harry replies as Charlotte and Felicite giggle behind their fists.

 

“Are you coming with us too Harry?” Felicite asks, turning in her chair so she can place her legs on either side and lean her chin on the rail of the backrest.

 

Draining water from the pot of pasta, Harry glances at the girl for a second, “Only if Louis wants me to.”

 

“Lou?”

 

“Of course Harry is coming. I invited you didn’t I?” She gives Harry a look from where she’s seated.

 

“Yeah,” Harry pretends to think, “I can’t remember much.”

 

“You have to come whether you like it or not. Only three visitors are allowed at a time. And there’s two little brats you need to look after.”

 

“You’re mean Lou!!” A small voice shouts from the hall before its being followed by little patters when the twins launch themselves into the kitchen, hands on their hips and pointed looks.

 

Louis lunges; pulling both of them into her embrace and tousling their hair as she peppers them with loud kisses, making them giggle and try to pull away. “You know what I meant you little geese.”

 

“Dinner is ready.” Harry sing songs for the fun of it a couple of minutes later. She makes a sweeping movement towards the table and places the plates on coloured place mats. Just as she does so, Louis gets off the chair and pulls open the fridge door.

 

“Does anyone fancy some juice? Harry? Some wine?”

 

“Wine would be nice.” Harry nods, thoughtfully, “A beer would loosen my muscles though.”

 

“Mum said no alcoholic drinks.” Charlotte pipes up while she helps Harry.

 

“We’re old enough.” Louis sniffs sassily, “You young ones need to stay away from them.”

 

“Very funny Lou. I’ll be eighteen soon.”

 

“Still not an excuse.”

 

Charlotte playfully hits her sister’s shoulder when they take a seat at the dining table, huffing as if offended.

 

“Am I allowed to do the honour of preparing lunch for Jay?” Harry questions when the banter between the sisters have died down. She helps dish the pasta onto two plates for the twins. It’s been a while since she’s been around kids, she absolutely adores them. And what’s giving her butterflies is the thought of being able to see the newborns when they visit Jay again, hopefully.

 

“Yes!” Louis replies just as Felicite points to the food they’re eating and goes, “Just make it less veggie—you know.”

 

“I couldn’t have said it better.” Louis muffles her mouth as she chuckles, “I think I choked.” She hits her chest and coughs while still laughing; Harry can only smile while shaking her head. Gosh, she’s missed being happy so much; she can’t even imagine how she’d lived in her flat moping the whole time. Everything’s just changed in a few hours, even if it’s only temporary.

 

-

 

After dinner, Louis lets the girls watch a movie before getting the twins to head to bed. Felicite leaves early too since she’s tired and Charlotte just gives them one look before she’s kissing both Harry and Louis good night before going to her room. Louis makes a groan that sounds more like she’s relieved. Harry picks up the empty bowls of ice cream to wash while Louis stretches out her legs on the sofa.

 

When she gets back, she throws a pillow at Louis so the girl can get comfortable and plops herself on the armchair beside Louis. “Tired?” Louis flips through the channels on the television.

 

“Hmmm.” She grunts, “Aren’t you?”

 

“Sort of but I’ve been sleeping for weeks for long hours so not really.” She gives a dry laugh, knowing that their conversation will soon be heading towards a danger zone. Harry watches with a keen eye as Louis slides a hand into her side pocket and the glint of light hits the coin sitting in her palm. She holds herself from saying anything for awhile, opting to watch Louis, mess with the silver coin, twirling, and rolling it over her knuckles. “Why do you do that?” She finally speaks up.

 

“Huh?” Louis’ jolted to look towards Harry.

 

“The coin.” Harry points so she makes sense, “Why do you do that with the coin?”

 

It helps me.” The girls responds, diverting her eyes, “When I’m nervous.”

 

“Are you nervous now?” Harry slowly slides off the armchair, sneaking her way over to the sofa while crouching.

 

“Kind of.”

 

“Wanna tell me why?”

 

“You know why.” Louis throws her a fierce but playful look, “Don’t make me look like the predator.”

 

“I wasn’t making you the predator, “Harry shrugs, silently sitting at the end of the sofa where Louis’ legs are, “You’re too small for one.”

 

“Heyyyy!!” Louis looks offended, sitting up and poising into a fight stance. “How dare you!”

 

Laughing at the girl who’s got her eyebrows scrunched and hands fisted in the air, Harry tickles the under of her foot, “You look fierce for one though. Satisfied?” Louis hrrumps, letting her hands fall and resting back against the armrest.

 

Neither says anything for a long while, choosing to stare away from each other. Louis’ legs are on Harry’s lap and Harry’s got her hands entwined upon the girl’s leg, pulling at her fingers in nervousness and Louis’ fiddling with the coin as usual. They both know what’s coming but its Harry who speaks first because in some way she believes that it’s her fault, it’s she who hadn’t seen the piece of paper, she’s the one who hadn’t even called even though the same could be said for Louis’ side.

 

“I saw the paper you left.” Harry breaks the silence. Louis doesn’t look up, just nods. Harry takes it as her cue to begin explaining. “I’m sorry. I thought you hadn’t wanted it when you left hurriedly that morning. I thought I’d made a mistake, misreading you and it was stupid, it was really really stupid of me to leap onto my feelings while we were both drunk. I just—I’m so sorry and for months I’d been so lost because you’d just left like that with no explanation and Zayn kept looking at me like she could murder me and I knew I’d fucked up. I didn’t mean to. I really really liked you. I couldn’t even muster up courage to seek for you because I thought I’d done the wrong thing and I was just too afraid to face it. I—“

 

“You could have called.” Louis interrupts her, looking straight into her eyes now.

 

Sighing, Harry continues, “I only found the piece of paper months later, under the bed. It’s Niall who actually found it and I realized that maybe it’d been mutual after all but it’s been so long and I don’t think you want me now.” Pausing to take a deep breath, she asks, “Did you actually want it that night? And the number leaving thing too? Did you like me too?”

 

“I meant it all.” Louis nods.

 

“Then why’d you just leave like that? Without even a goodbye? Why’d you just do that? You left me alone just so I could crumble upon everything I’d lost and how much I’d fucked up my entire life.” She pleads, feeling the sobs threatening to wrack her body and the wetness in her eyes. She bites her lip to stop herself from quivering so much. “Why?”

 

“I was in a hurry for work.” It’s curt, short, almost as if she just clipped all of Harry’s heartstrings in one snip, removing all attachments.

 

Maybe its anger that’s boiling in her veins at the tone Louis had just used but she chooses not to show it. “That couldn’t have been the only reason. I know it’s not.” Louis hangs her head and pulls her legs to tuck them underneath her bum, refusing, and Harry just—she just wants to throw a chair at the window or something. It’s frustrating! “What’s with you? You can’t keep being secretive for the rest of your life. You’re going to have to fucking open up sometime and you know—you bloody know we need to sort out this mess and I’ve done my part! I’ve come here, I’ve come for you and I’ve done my part. It’s your turn now.”

 

The silence—it’s choking her, squeezing the air out of her lungs, the longer Louis continues to be quiet. What has she got to hide? What is she so afraid of? It’s draining to keep losing hope so much and Harry’s lost enough of herself that it feels like she’s beginning to give up. “Lou…Lou please… Say something, anything at all.” Louis shuts her eyes, squeezing them tight and Harry just—she just wants to hold onto the girl and pretend like everything’s okay. “Lou?”

 

Harry gently takes the remote out of Louis’ tight grasp even though she wants to _grab_ it just to make herself feel better, and lowers the volume of the television. “I can leave you alone if you want.” There’s the slight sign of attention stirring from the girl. “Just tell me and I’ll leave you alone. I promise. I won’t ever bother you again.” She makes to stand up, every last bit of hope draining, seeping onto the floor when Louis pulls her by the arm, frantic look in her eyes.

 

“No, please.” Her tone is laced with such cracked begging that Harry feels sorry, feels the need to give in and so she sits back down and looks to the girl, waits for an explanation because that is all they have to either go on or move on. “I—I didn’t have the most perfect life…” She explains, never once looking up, fiddling with the coin, “Not like you,” Harry wants to argue because it’s not true, she’s had her own misfortunes but she stays quiet just to hear what the girl has to say, “This household didn’t feel like home all those years ago when I left at eighteen. I left with nothing and worked hard to make a living for myself and built a life for myself.” Harry gulps, reaching out a hand to softly stroke Louis’ knee. “My only friends were the ones working at the mechanics and Zayn and when I finally did reconnect with my family I felt like a monster for having left my sisters. My mum had divorced my step dad, had a new boyfriend and they only married last year. Even though the household is less violent now and I feel like I belong, I only ever visit every now and then each month just so I can prevent myself from feeling the hurt again if anything ever goes wrong again. I know it’s selfish of me.”

 

“Lou—“

 

“No, let me finish. I’d always felt so inadequate, so useless, worthless, without a future, barely an education and I had such a hard time accepting myself for who I am. It’s been so hard and Zayn’s been there for me through thick and thin and you—you just slipped into my life like a new bar of soap, that fucking dimple filled smile and soft spoken voice but you’d never last like the soap. There was always going to be heartbreak somewhere along the line and I’ll never be ready for that kind of thing because my whole life has been misery from the start. And that morning, I just flipped—I lost my mind for a few seconds when I realized what we had done. Something switched off in me and I had to get out but I still hoped there’d be something left, maybe that’s why I left my number, in hopes.” Louis pauses so she can stop crying, rubbing at her eyes vigorously.

 

Harry couldn’t have ever imagined this beautiful fierce girl crying, it’s a stabbing sight because she’s so strong. Ever since she’d met the girl, she’d been all strong muscles and snarky remarks, hidden secrets and small, invisible smiles. Harry scoots over, pulling Louis into her arms, just holding her tight and stroking her arms. Louis tucks her head into the crook of Harry’s neck, sniffling, making herself small in Harry’s arms. “And then—then you never called and I knew I wasn’t being silly. I believed that what I had thought all along was true, that it was just a mistake… a drunken mistake. But it was too late by then I guess cause all I could feel was like I was breaking bit by bit each day.”

 

“I’m so sorry…I’m so sorry…” Harry keeps whispering into Louis’ hair, rocking them both. “I would have called. If only I had realized earlier and seen your note, I would have called. Do you believe me when I say that? Do you believe that I would have called you?”

 

Louis cranes her neck so she can look at her, her nose is running and Harry brings up her t-shirt to wipe it. “Y-yes.” The girl stutters in between wrecked sobs, “But it wasn’t your fault. I know now. I k-know it wasn’t your fault and neither mine. Right? Am I right?” She pleads, “It wasn’t a mistake was it?”

 

“No, of course not.” Harry shifts so she can keep looking at the girl, look into her tear filled blue eyes, “I like you, I still do Lou. I wanted you from the moment I saw you at the repair shop. You have to believe me.” There’ll be a right time for her to say the word _love_ and maybe it’s not love now, maybe it’s just _like_ , maybe they need to work on this part of their relationship for more.

 

There’s a slight quirk of Louis’ lips and Harry feels like the sun has begun to peak. “I-I like you too, still.”

 

Harry releases a breath of relief, chuckling very lightly to herself as she throws her head back against the sofa and continues to rock the both of them back and forth. “I’m so glad. Nothing’s broken—“

 

“just bent.” Louis supplies and Harry nods.

 

“I think we can fix the bend too.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

Harry lets a few seconds of silence take over so they can breathe, can swallow the confessions and truths that have been laid out in the open before them. Her pulse quickens each time Louis’ breathe hits her skin, warm, reminding her that she has something good to look forward to, and that it’s patching up.

 

“I expected the reason to be something too powerful that the two of us would have no chance of being together.” It makes Louis chuckle, breathy and snorting because of her runny nose. She snuggles closer. “And now I feel so relieved.” Harry pushes one of Louis’ stray strands off her forehead. “I also feel the need to say that I’m sorry that you had to go through so much turmoil. Of course I don’t know how it feels because my own troubles weren’t that bad yet I had my own share of screw ups and heartbreak. But I can promise you now that I’ll make every day with you a little bit better and easier to wake up and hope that neither of us will have to face one more strike to our hearts.”

“You get so poetic sometimes.” Is Louis’ only reply, “It’s funny.” Harry pouts and pulls lightly at Louis’ hair making her yelp.

 

“I just went into a chain of emotional declaration and you’re only response is how poetic I can be?”

 

“It was a compliment.” Louis squeaks, the beginnings of a smile appearing on her face.

 

Harry pauses with a pointed look to show she’s contemplating it. “I appreciate it. Now you say something or I’ll start feeling awkward.” She jabs Louis’ nose, gently.

 

“Shy are we?” It’s making her melt to hear the girl giggle. There’s dry tear tracks glittering on her skin and now she’s glowing like a happy puppy. Louis sighs and wraps a hand around Harry’s waist so she’s secure, pocketing the coin with her free hand. “Thank you for all that. No one’s ever cared that much neither said anything so heart warming. I’m not very good at making promises or pretty speeches like that…I feel much moved by everything you said.” Harry wants to laugh with fond because Louis’ got a serious face on and is trying so hard to be affectionate. “I’ll just go with this because it’s the only thing I can think and something I’ve been wanting for awhile.” Harry nods for her to go on. “Will you be my girlfriend? I promise to treat you like the most beautiful flower I’ve picked on a spring morning.”

 

Harry laughs because she can’t hold it in anymore, tightening her embrace on the girl who makes a pouty face and scrunches her forehead. “You tried and you’re cute when you get like that.”

 

“Haz…” Louis’ smiling widely now though. She sneaks a hand to pinch Harry’s arm but Harry grasps her wrist before she can, pulling it against her chest.

 

“Yes. Yes I’d love to be your girlfriend Louis.” She gazes at the Louis who looks so soft underneath the light, hair mussed and lips and eyes red and swollen but she’s biting her lower lip, looking so coy that Harry has to duck down to bop their noses together. “Is this alright?” She asks, moving closer so their breaths are just ghosting over each other’s lips. Louis nods, blinking her eyes slowly before leaning forward and touching their lips together in a closed mouth kiss. Harry lets it be like that, just pressing their lips together. Sometimes it’s always best to proceed with caution and not move too fast. They have all the time in the world now after all.

 

Louis pushes Harry backwards so they fall together lengthwise on the sofa, comfortable enough to rest.

 

“Remember when we first met?” Harry asks after awhile of staring at the ceiling. Louis hums against her chest. “I purposefully let out the air from the tyre.”

 

Louis looks at her with a quirked brow but then smirks. “Knew something was odd from the moment you walked in.”

 

“Oh shut up.” Harry giggles, pushing at her shoulder. She ducks to press their lips together again.The brunette hums into it, relaxing. “I think we can make it.” Harry whispers against Louis’ lips.

 

The girl hums in question.

 

“You and I.”

 

Her breath comes out warm when she whispers back a “Yes.” to Harry.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find me on [tumblr](http://hazzabooween.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Please leave your kudos and comments, they're a great help :) x

**Author's Note:**

> Come speak to me on [tumblr](http://hazzabooween.tumblr.com/) and wish gorgeous [Star](http://star55.tumblr.com/) a Happy Birthday!


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